Weekend Joke

I love this ... thanks to Tom K. for sending it!

Sister Mary Grace and Sister Judith were shopping in the neighborhood market one hot July day. Walking by the cooler case, Sister Mary Grace said, "Goodness, a cold beer would really hit the spot today, but what would the owner say?"

"Leave it to me," Sister Judith said.

She took a six-pack to the counter and, when the owner looked up, said, "We use the beer to shampoo our hair." Without missing a beat, the owner grabbed a bag of pretzel sticks and put them on the counter next to the beer.

"Sister," he said, "the curlers are on me!"

The Words Aren't the Only Things Changing in the New Liturgy

I have been meaning to mention this since the classes our parish has been giving on the new liturgy have brought it up more than once ... the music is getting a do-over also.

I’m happy to report that the legislative ground has just shifted, and dramatically so. The new translation of the General Instruction removes the discretion from the music team to sing pretty much whatever it wants. The new text, which pertains to the new translation of the Missal that comes into effect on Advent this year, makes it clear beyond any doubt: the music of the Mass is the chanted propers of the Mass. There are options but these options all exist within the universe of the primary normative chant. There can be no more making up some random text, setting it to music, and singing it as the entrance, offertory, or communion.

Jeffrey Tucker, The Chant Cafe

This isn't a big deal for our parish, or at least for most of the Masses at our parish. Heck, the Saturday vigil has a men's choir already doing chant. Although I could foresee a weaning process for our 9 a.m. Sunday family mass. It is all very tastefully done, but it has the most "modern" music.

Read more at The Chant Cafe where they have a comparison of the old and new as well as some commentary. (Via New Advent.)

B-Movie Catechism: Answering The Age Old Question, “Could an omnipotent God create a stone so heavy that He couldn’t lift it?”

This isn't it.

But again, it’s Lansing as Scott who makes the movie. Like any good monster, he’s both sympathetic and frightening. You feel both his awkwardness and frustration in scenes like the one in which he comes upon his fiancé and brother sunbathing by a lake, and the pair immediately jump up and hurriedly begin putting clothes on over their bathing suits, almost as if Scott had stumbled upon them doing something else (which I’m pretty darn sure is just the association the movie wants you to make). But you also equally feel Scott’s creepy pent up lust and desire for control in scenes like the one in which he passes through the walls of Linda’s bedroom, gets mere inches from her face, and alternates between angry utterances and threats of a fatal kiss. Just the way he looks at Linda tells you he’s having major flashbacks to that experiment of thrusting a long wooden pencil into an iron block.

But it is from the post that leads to it and gives you a sample of his writing. Which I love.

B-Movie Catechism is one of my favorite blogs and I get pretty excited when I see that EegahInc has had the time to work on a longer piece (or perhaps it is that he is discussing a movie worthy of more discussion).

Anyway, he's clever, witty, and perceptive. Plus, I've gotta love someone whose tagline is: One man's desperate attempt to reconcile his love of his Catholic faith with his passion for cult cinema and really, really bad movies.

That's my kind of people.

In addition to discussing movies, he always sees a connection between these B-movies and the faith, usually through Sunday Mass readings.

Again, my kind of people.

So when he goes from a discussion of two brothers and a girl in a science fiction movie into this I was ready.

But ultimately, the only variation of the question to be of any real consequence is the one that’s come to be known as the omnipotence paradox, which basically asks, “Could an omnipotent God create a stone so heavy that He couldn’t lift it?” A number of atheists love this question because it would seem that either way you answer it, yes or no, you inevitably deny some aspect of God’s omnipotence. It’s a good enough question to have vexed a lot of people over the centuries, from Thomas Aquinas and Augustine, who both argued for certain understandings of omnipotence that differ from the one addressed by the question, to modern philosophers who speculate that there are different levels of omnipotence, to C. S. Lewis, who dismissed the asking of the question as utter nonsense to begin with. It’s all interesting, if sometimes convoluted, reading. And it may be a case of some people being too smart for their own good. Because, really, the simplest answer to the question might just be, “Yes, an omnipotent God could create a stone so heavy that He couldn’t lift it, because He already has.”

But then ... he tells how it works. I wasn't ready for that.

In a way that even I could grasp. Brilliantly.

Go read it for yourself at B-Movie Catechism.

(I've been meaning to tell y'all about this for a while ... enjoy yourself looking at some of his newer pieces while you're there ... I especially enjoyed The Crawling Hand just for the discussion of  how very bad that movie seems.

A Tight-Knit Community: Why Facebook can't match Ravelry, the social network for knitters.

The best social network you've (probably) never heard of is one-five-hundredth the size of Facebook. It has no video chat feature, it doesn't let you check in to your favorite restaurant, and there are no games. The company that runs it has just four employees, one of whom is responsible for programming the entire operation. It has never taken any venture capital money and has no plans to go public. Despite these apparent shortcomings, the site's members absolutely adore it. They consider it a key part of their social lives, and they use it to forge deeper connections with strangers—and share more about themselves—than you're likely to see elsewhere online. There's a good chance this site isn't for you, but after you see how much fun people have there, you'll wish you had a similar online haunt. The social network is called Ravelry. It's for knitters (and crocheters).

Ravelry's success is evidence in favor of an argument that you often hear from Facebook's critics: A single giant social network is no fun. Social sites work better when they're smaller and bespoke, created to cater to a specific group. What makes Ravelry work so well is that, in addition to being a place to catch up with friends, it is also a boon to its users' favorite hobby—it helps people catalog their yarn, their favorite patterns, and the stuff they've made or plan on making. In other words, there is something to do there. And having something to do turns out to make an enormous difference in the way people interact with one another on the Web.

A great article on Slate that Ravelry users will love. I am on Ravelry but only use the forums, my knitting being of the on-again, off-again, strictly-amateur sort ... which means that I not only finish projects slowly but I forget to update my info most of the time. Thinking it over, I believe that is actually the only place where I read the forums. Which, in and of itself, is something amazing.

Via Kindle Review, where there are not only frequent listings of free and discounted Kindle books, but thoughtful commentary on the eBook medium, Kindle, and Amazon.

In which Melvin and Sam pursue Earth's enemy, discover astounding new forms of life, and make a new acquaintance.

Yes, we're returning to the world of pulp science fiction goodness, perfect for summer reading ... or listening! Get it at Forgotten Classics where I also share which four TED Talks changed my life (sometimes in a small way, but change is change, right?)

Hard-Wired: Faith, Fiction, and Physics in the Stories of Ted Chiang

My latest A Free Mind is up at Patheos. Find out why Ted Chiang's excellent stories can provoke good questions for atheists and believers alike ... and begin fruitful conversations.

5 Free L. Ron Hubbard audiobooks

Or ebooks, but let's face it, I'll be getting the audio.

Get them at Galaxy Audio.

Via SFFaudio (of course).

Catholic Throwdown: Jack White (White Stripes) and Stephen Colbert

It's for reals, people. You'll laugh but also learn because these guys aren't kidding around.

Well, they are kidding around but they are quizzing each other Catholic culture mercilessly to see who can't answer.

If swearing bothers you, then skip this, but it actually made me laugh. These guys were into it.

           

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Exclusive - 2011: A Rock Odyssey Featuring Jack White - Catholic Throwdown
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Via Margaret at Ten Thousand Places.

Want New Sacred Music That Uses the Official Antiphons and Propers of the Church? Try Charles Thatcher.

We are really blessed in our church to have a premium put on excellent music. There are seven Sunday Masses (including the Saturday vigil) unless I have miscounted and they all have unique music.

To be truthful, I think one has no music and a couple have only a cantor with the organ.

However we also have a men's choir doing chant, an almost acapella choir singing charming arrangements of the "new" church music (I usually abhor the new church music but this is so well arranged by our music director that it goes down a treat), and a full choir singing at the 11:00 Mass, which is the one we attend.

Toward the end of Lent or maybe it was during the Easter season Masses, I began noticing a new quality to some of the music, especially that sung during communion. We don't have a sing-along during communion. There is music from the choir and then plain organ music when the choir darts down to the communion rail. (Yes, we still have a communion rail and also kneel for communion, but that's a different post.) We are left free to kneel (or sit) and pray.

It is nothing new to have astounding music at our church as we saw during the Easter season when every Mass seemed to bring a new Mozart or Bach composition of the Gloria ... and more. The fact that our choirs are entirely volunteer just makes their skill even more amazing. That music fed my contemplations of the words I knew by heart in a new way.

However, this new music was something different. For one thing, to get me to notice it during communion was surprising in itself, as I tend not to really be a "music person."

What I noticed was music that progressed from calm, "normal" (if you will) Alleluia's into almost wild, powerful music and singing that came later ... it put me powerfully in mind of the power and grace which is flowing under the surface at Mass but which we are too much in ordinary life to notice most of the time. Watching the congregation file by for communion, juxtaposed against this wild, barely contained strength contained in the music, I felt as if I were almost grasping a truth about God and us that was both moving and illuminating.

So much so, in fact, I tried to find a recording and could not. So I appreciate my exposure to this fine music all the more. Looking at the music handout I saw that every time I was so moved, the music had been written by Charles Thatcher. Writing to the music director to express appreciation, I received this reply, which I share in case any music directors out there are reading this who have questions about how the music fits into the Catholic liturgy.

I also enjoy those Thatcher antiphons. It's rare to find new sacred music being published which is of such high quality and uses the official antiphons and propers of our church, so to have discovered these wonderful antiphons by Mr. Thatcher was a blessing indeed.

As I say, I'm not a music person but if you are or know one who would appreciate something out of the ordinary but that adheres to the Catholic liturgy, then here's a link I found.

The Moral Outrage of Missing Girls - Updated Link

Maria Hvistendahl struck a nerve recently when she released her new book, "Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men." New York Times columnist Ross Douthat then struck Ms. Hvistendahl's nerve, when he gently chided her for the contortions she must make to sustain her unequivocal commitment to "choice" while asking us to share her indignation at what those choices have wrought.

"The anti-abortion side has it easier," he wrote. "We can say outright what's implied on every page of 'Unnatural Selection,' even if the author can't quite bring herself around. The tragedy of the world's 160 million missing girls isn't that they're 'missing.' The tragedy is that they're dead."

Since those words appeared, the author and the Times columnist have had at each other, respectively, on Salon and the Times blog. At bottom they disagree on the nature of the crime. Ms. Hvistendahl's reserves her outrage for the sexism of sex-selective abortion and the consequences for women already here. She excoriates Mr. Douthat for thinking the tragedy might also have something to do with the millions of girls whose lives were snuffed out.

William McGurn's brilliant editorial about what happens when a feminist author inadvertently makes a powerful case against abortion. Read it all.

UPDATE
I have heard (and indeed experienced when I was preparing this post) that if one goes to the Wall Street Journal via Google then the entire piece may be read. In hopes that this holds true, here is the Google search link ... then click on the first or second entry (the headers are obvious) and see if you can read it all.

Look for the Little Ones

Stop and consider that the real saints are hidden. They follow the little way. If you were to tell them they were a saint they would laugh and tell you to keep searching. If you even had the sense and discernment to see the saint next to you--the ordinary person who perseveres--the little person who serves others--the plain Jane who takes life easily and simply loves people, then you would learn again what true holiness really is. If we only had eyes to see the simplicity of the saints, the extraordinary ordinariness of holiness, the practical good humor and humility of the truly grace filled ones.

Words to live by and to try to match ourselves. Like my grandfather did. Read the whole thing at Standing on My Head.

Recommendations for Book about St. Monica?

Stephanie Z. writes:

I wondered if you have any recommendations for a good book on Saint Monica. Given all the book reviewing you do, I am hoping you might have one to recommend.

I don't, but there are so many readers dropping by here that maybe someone will put a good idea in the comments box.

Ideas, anyone?

Weekend Joke

It seems like a good time to repeat this joke.

God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it.. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's the State of Texas, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from the State of Texas are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.."

God smiled, "There's Washington DC. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

Zombies in England

I've been enjoying reading about the Zombie Parent's misadventures as he and his family bravely travel to England. God is good, giving them many, many opportunities to develop their patience and sense of humor (poor things).

For example, where but England can you lock yourself in your own home and not be able to get out?

"Brave" Teaser Trailer

Now that we're all done hoping beyond all hope that Cars 2 would be better than the trailer looked ... here's a look at the teaser trailer for Pixar's next original movie. Which looks much more interesting.

Pat Gohn's Recommended Summer Reading: Happy Catholic

I got this ready and then discovered that it somehow went into drafts instead of posting! I'm just glad I discovered it there ...

Pat Gohn talked today with Brian Patrick on the Sonrise Morning Show about her summer reading suggestions. Imagine my surprise and delight when she gave me the heads-up that Happy Catholic is one of the books she discussed.

I was even more excited when I saw the distinguished company I was in, Edward Sri and ... wait for it ... Henri Nouwen. I never in my life imagined that anything I wrote would be mentioned in the same sentence with Henri Nouwen. Life is full of surprises, isn't it?

Thank you Pat!

Take a minute while you're at Pat's and look at her podcast, Among Women. Pat is a thoughtful and interesting podcaster and you're sure to learn something new. Don't believe me? Then just check out her column at Patheos. She's the real deal. Always inspiring, intelligent, and passionate about the faith.

Does the Pope Know How to Celebrate His 60th Anniversary as a Priest or What?

He's tweeting.

On an iPad.

Let no one say that it isn't important to stay young at heart.

Actually, he celebrated the Solemnity of Sts. Peter and Paul at Mass and in his homily reflected on his vocation and on friendship. Happy anniversary, Papa and may you have many more!

A Jesuit Walks Into a Bar ...

No, wait.

I don't think one of these jokes begins that way. However, there are a lot of great Jesuit jokes up over at Siris (which I found via the Darwins, who like a good joke almost as much as I do).

Here's one of my favorites and then you can go over and read the rest.

At a conference discussing various religious orders and societies, the Jesuit representative was asked how Jesuits managed to maintain their vow of obedience.

"It's easier than you would think," the Jesuit replied. "Our superiors just ask us what we want to do and then direct us to do it, so that takes care of most of the problems."

Then someone asked about people who don't know what to do.

"Even easier," the Jesuit said. "We make them superiors."

The Sixth Seal ... from Dr. Boli

And I beheld when he had opened the sixt seale, and loe, there was a great earthquake, and the Sunne became blacke as sackecloth of haire, and the Moone became as blood. And the starres of heauen fell vnto the earth, euen as a figge tree casteth her vntimely figs when she is shaken of a mighty winde. And the heauen departed as a scrowle when it is rolled together, and euery mountaine and island were moued out of their places. And the Pope sent his first tweet.

How does he make me laugh so hard? Thank you, Dr. Boli!

It's An Ill Wind That Blows No Good ... or Blows a Pear Tree Down

Actually, if wind blew down our pear tree it was over a long time as when the tree finally went over it was with a gentle rustle that left Tom wondering what he'd heard outside.

In fact, we didn't discover it was the tree going over until several hours later since it was in the narrow gap between our house and the one next door.

Other than knocking off a hot air vent it did no real harm and gave employment to the arborist we employed to finish taking it down, grinding the stump, and all that jazz.

Now, with a gaping hole in our roof, we are just about the only people in North Texas who are hoping it doesn't rain. And we're waiting for Hannah to bring us a one-way animal door from her job so that we can keep critters out ... other than the one who was clearly trapped when Tom perched the air vent to block the hole. Yes, we had to take it down again to let Lil' Scratchy out ...

The good, other than there is one less blooming pear to annoy Rose's olfactory senses, is that we suddenly have a lot more light in our kitchen and guest bathroom. I never realized just how much was being blocked by that one tree.

That's a dark part of the house and I love lots of light so this is some good news that I think evens the tally column against the roof work and arborist costs!