God did not say you will not be troubled,You will not be belabored,You will not be disquieted,
But God said, You will not be overcome.Julian of Norwich
My mother moved in with us on Labor Day Weekend 2019. It began as a sudden thought from Rose about how my mother would love life in a family, quickly took on steam, and within a couple of months we were all thrust into a six year adventure. She had moved a lot in her later years and was tearful over moving yet another time, especially to another state.
I promised her that she would never have to move again, that she would die in her own bedroom. There was always the niggling thought in the back of my mind that circumstances might make me break that promise. Alzheimer's, for example, would be something we probably wouldn't be able to care for if it arose.
But God was good. We did face obstacles but in the end — we kept that promise. My mother died peacefully, in her sleep — in her own bedroom early Sunday morning.
It was good for my mother to live in a family. She loved the dogs, welcomed with joy two new great-grandchildren, played a vigorous game of Scrabble, and got us to watch Chiefs football. I can safely say that she watched more Indian movies than any other woman her age not connected to India. She gave us new eyes with her deep love of beauty and notice of tiny details that had escaped us. In short, she was woven into our family's fabric.
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| Watching the total eclipse of the sun — just one more family activity |
The inspiration and timing for the move were such that we felt it was inspired by the Holy Spirit. We knew that meant this was going to be good for us as well as for her. Boy howdy, was it. We recognized many moments of personal growth along the way. I myself learned to trust Jesus in ways more basic and deep than I had before. This covered everything from the little nagging problems of life to the harrowing times of her various illnesses, especially in the last two months.
We learned to serve in a way we never would have otherwise. She and I were like the odd couple in many ways. We squabbled, we struggled, we adapted to each other's ways and needs. My husband and daughter were valiant support during all situations. And we grew — in patience, in selflessness, in sacrifice — in love.
I love looking back and seeing that we needed the previous six years of baby steps as my mom's needs grew so that we could dive in at the end with intensive care. This was God's wise plan. We needed that slow training. It prepped us to be a tight-knit "team of three," in the last two months of hospice in our home.
I love how my mother worked hard so that she never had to move. She did exercises to stay strong for living at home. She ate much more protein than she wanted for the same reason. She made many adaptations to family life. It wasn't easy but now that she's gone, I'm able to say, "We did it, Mom! Together!"
I love the idea that we learned how important it is to be part of a family from youngest to oldest — all taking care of each other. We couldn't have really learned that lesson any other way than to simply live it.
God answered so many prayers in those last days, not least of which was my mother dying peacefully in her sleep with no pain.
The last two weeks of caring for my completely helpless mother brought me to a new level of love. On the phone with my sister after my mother died, I realized that I was standing at her bedside, stroking her hair as I talked. It was how I had shown her love during her two months of being bedbound and eventually losing speech. It seemed natural even after death.
In the last moments before her body was taken away, we were left alone with her. Again I stroked her hair, I kissed her forehead for a last time. Instead of my usual "Sweet dreams" I said nothing. It was all said.
During my struggles this last year a priest had advised me to ask Jesus to let me feel in my body the love that Jesus himself felt for my mother. It was a prayer that I turned to many times. When I was saying that final goodbye to my mother's body, I realized that prayer had been answered.
She and I had a long journey getting there. Sometimes we were troubled. We were belabored. We were disquieted. But through God's grace we were not overcome. I am forever grateful.
May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Amen.
you have produced the harvest of eternal life for us;
make us always dead to sin and alive to God.
Amen.
