Weekend Joke

I've run this before, at least some incarnation of it, but it always makes me laugh so here we go again!

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Rottweiler: Make me!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Do it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...

Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

The Boxer answer is exactly the reason we often have to get up in the night and grope around to remove a much loved toy. While the dog joyously bounces around, "We're gonna play now? Yay!"

On the other hand, we have learned to sleep through rawhide chewing noises tolerably well.

iPad becoming more attractive ... will power waning ... help!

First Walt Mossberg, whom Tom holds in very high regard (a coveted and difficult to win regard, I might add), called it a laptop killer.

Hmm, I'm impressed by his accolades but still not that interested. However, the iPad has now gained respectability in my mind.

Then I read an impassioned love letter from someone who had absolutely no initial interest (of course) about how the iPad is fantastic for reading not only books but long posts (on a blog which I found via a couple of links and now seems to be lost to me). Long posts. The kind that I copy and dump into a document to print out and take home because I too dislike reading long pieces on the computer. Also I was swayed by her point that she wasn't tempted to stop and multi-task or email ... because those things weren't available. One of my problems, identified right there. Just trust me when I say it was persuasively written.

It almost made me want an iPad.

Almost.

Now I read an equally persuasive piece from The Curt Jester. Who I respect technologically. Who reads a lot ... like I do. Who knows the tests to give a computer before he praises it. He does admit that he is less than objective: To put it simply I have become an Apple fanboy and not only do I drink the Apple Kool-Aid I have it intravenously fed to me. I'm not quite that bad, but I do know the song he's singing.

And that he thought a tablet computer was a dumb concept right up front: I wished Apple would release one just to shut those people up. Preach it!

But then he fell, and fell hard.

I can feel my steely will power weakening. Waning. I am slipping toward that black hole. Help me before its too late ...

My only hope. It looks like a money pit. And that's a pit I've got nothing to toss in.

This is when poverty is a good thing. Believe me.

In which we meet Carruthers ...

... and decide to join an old acquaintance for a jolly yachting holiday on the Dulcibella. We begin The Riddle of the Sands, the first espionage novel and one that changed England's defense policy before the Great War.

We also go Behind the Bar. All on Forgotten Classics episode 115. Get it while it's hot!

The Octave of Easter is a Feast and Celebration

Which means Friday penance does not apply ... unless I misunderstand how things work.

And if it isn't ...don't tell me until I've had a cheeseburger today! Woohoo!

New York's Legendary Former Mayor Ed Koch Tells the Media to Lay Off the Catholic Church

Holy Moly, he's not kidding around and he's talking horse sense. Here's some ... then go read it all for yourself (especially if you are leaving a comment).  Thank you, Mr. ex-Mayor! (Via Catholic Key blog.)

He that is without sin, let him cast the next stone - enough already
Posted by Ed Koch

I believe the continuing attacks by the media on the Roman Catholic Church and Pope Benedict XVI have become manifestations of anti-Catholicism. The procession of articles on the same events are, in my opinion, no longer intended to inform, but simply to castigate.

[...]

Many of those in the media who are pounding on the Church and the pope today clearly do it with delight, and some with malice. The reason, I believe, for the constant assaults is that there are many in the media, and some Catholics as well as many in the public, who object to and are incensed by positions the Church holds, including opposition to all abortions, opposition to gay sex and same-sex marriage, retention of celibacy rules for priests, exclusion of women from the clergy, opposition to birth control measures involving condoms and prescription drugs and opposition to civil divorce. My good friend, John Cardinal O'Connor, once said, "The Church is not a salad bar, from which to pick and choose what pleases you." The Church has the right to demand fulfillment of all of its religious obligations by its parishioners, and indeed a right to espouse its beliefs generally.

I disagree with the Church on all of these positions. Nevertheless, it has a right to hold these views in accordance with its religious beliefs. I disagree with many tenets of Orthodox Judaism - the religion of my birth - and have chosen to follow the tenets of Conservative Judaism, while I attend an Orthodox synagogue. Orthodox Jews, like the Roman Catholic Church, can demand absolute obedience to religious rules. Those declining to adhere are free to leave.

I believe the Roman Catholic Church is a force for good in the world, not evil. Moreover, the existence of one billion, 130 million Catholics worldwide is important to the peace and prosperity of the planet. ...

It's All Downhill from Here

A little midweek (more or less) humor from Dr. Boli's Celebrated Magazine.

Jimmy Akin Has New Translation of "Smoking Gun" Memo

The following is an English translation of a memo written in Italian that is a key document in the Fr. Murphy/Wisconsin paedophilia case that the media attempted to connect to Pope Benedict XVI in 2010.

[...]

Prior to this point this memo was only known in English via a deeply flawed machine translation produced in 1998. The flawed translation contributed significantly to the media storm.

Its correct translation shows what a "smoking gun" the memo is with regard to exposing just how badly the mainstream media covered the story.

I, myself, haven't read any of this. Yet. However, I do trust Jimmy Akin to be honest and give full commentary.

He's got links to the Italian original, to the flawed English translation, to the new translation (where the translator has her own commentary.

If you are interested, clearly that is the place to be. Much thanks to The Anchoress for the heads up on this.

Congratulations to Tony C. Smith and StarShipSofa

This weekend the Hugo nominations came out. For the first time, a podcast was nominated for a Hugo ... StarShipSofa in the Fanzine category.

The Hugo Awards are awards for excellence in the field of science fiction and fantasy. The Fanzine category wording was reworded this year in such a way that more than print media was allowed consideration. I must say that it never occurred to me to think of the Sofa as a fanzine but it only took two seconds to realize that such is its true nature. Tony is the host and facilitator but there are contributions from tons of people who simply love science fiction. It is a fantastic audio science fiction magazine and the contributions are from fans. I'm a fan as a listener and also have been lucky enough to do a bit of narrating which was a very enjoyable experience indeed.

Congratulations Tony and here's hoping the Sofa wins!

Some Silence for the Triduum

Circumstances won't allow my attending Holy Thursday and Good Friday Masses this year. I find that I am lucky that I've attended enough in the recent past that my memory stays hauntingly fresh. I was mentally taken there when I saw the palms on Palm Sunday and when looking ahead through the Magnificat readings this morning.

I'm going to duck out of the blog until after Easter, although I have prepared some items to take us through that most holy day of the year. I wish for all of you a very blessed Triduum, a celebratory and jubilant Easter.

See you Monday!

(This post will be "stuck" at the top of the blog until then. Just scroll down for the day's posts.)

This Was Unexpected ... and as Far as I Can Tell, It Isn't an April Fool's Joke

I have been asked to be one of three Catholics appearing tomorrow morning on The Takeaway, a live national radio show. We'll be discussing the current scandals in relation to how it has affected my faith, etc.

It will at 5 in the morning (Dallas time, CST) for the first 15 minutes. (What I suffer for the faith, right? ha!)

It will be two "ordinary people" ... one of whom is me, natch ... and a Catholic journalist.

Update
Well, that was an interesting experience. I'm glad that Tom taped it on a computer in the other room because I finished thinking that a headline would read something like, "Local Oaf on Radio Show." Upon listening, however, I was not quite as off target as memory showed. Though I believe I proved that one can still ramble even within two sentences. There is a definite talent to putting out those concise, targeted news-byte answers and I now have a new respect for those who do it.

You can listen here or at the embedded audio below. My press agent (a.k.a. Tom) went back to the page later and saw the pull quote for the story. So I guess it wasn't a total train wreck!

People are people are people throughout time. So once the first horror of what's happened is over, you kind of have to get a grip, and if you're going to remain Catholic you have to look at the bigger picture.

— Julie Davis

In which we observe a pair of adventurers in 1880's New Orleans ...

... in the Saratoga Trunk sampler at Forgotten Classics.

As well as find out about a nifty blog that reviews audio dramas.

Now with more dogs than ever! You don't want to miss this one!

Get it while it's hot!

A Little Reading on the Scandals in the Church

Screaming headlines and gossip on various blogs are not very helpful when considering the revelations of the horrible betrayals by the priests and bishops in the Irish and German Catholic church. There is no doubt that, as was done by some American priests and bishops, great evil was done to the innocent. Frankly, it broke my heart to hear about it then and it breaks my heart again to hear about it. I pray for the victims and I pray for the perpetrators.

However, it is also helpful to consider some facts to help offset the scandal mongering and misunderstandings. I recommend reading these three articles which do not excuse the evil done, but do help put things in proper perspective.

• How Could It Happen? Tracing the Causes of Sexual Abuse by the Clergy: Father James Martin, Huffington Post
• Keeping the Record Straight on Benedict and the Crisis by John Allen, National Catholic Reporter
• A Papal Conversion by John Allen, NY Times Op Ed

The Anchoress also has many more links available should anyone wish to look further.

For myself, I think the greatest value comes in reading below the links (or most of them) where she reveals some of her personal past and her answer to an embittered young man who feels betrayed into wondering if there is any true Christianity at all.

A fair question, and perhaps the one that most vividly portrays the really big picture on how personal sins are never really only about us. Our personal acts of evil (let's say it like it is, right?) always, always affect others. Those ripples flow into places we cannot possibly foresee and affect not only others, but the faith as a whole. In our personal sins we drive others away from Christ. We cannot always see the ripples but that is not the point, should never be the point. That responsibility can now be seen and it is a rock placed on the shoulders of all the faithful. No wonder we need Christ's grace.

No wonder.

This week is Holy Week when our personal sins, our personal evils, drove Christ through His Passion to save us. What better time to reflect upon personal evils and the hurt they do to others? He calls us to repent that we may believe and have eternal life. Let us look with clear eyes to see the cost.

Holy Week Reflections are Not Showing Up in RSS Feeds

At least, they're not showing up in Google. Just thought I'd mention that for anyone who, like me, depends on their RSS feed to show them ALL!

This is probably because I took old posts, updated and saved for reposting. I'd like to give y'all fresh content each time, but when I read these there is always something new that I need to see. So I figure, tradition isn't a bad thing, especially for Holy Week.

There is a series on Holy Week and a series reflecting on the wedding at Cana and the Passion. For those you actually must drop by ... in person, so to speak.

For every bad thing that anyone says about the internet ...

... there are also times when we are allowed to see the grace and love that can flow when one of our own is hurting.

If we miss the witness that great friendships can be formed and supported this way, then we are reminded. It does matter. It is real.

Invisible but real.

Like prayers.

Like love.

Like God.

We know it is there. We feel it.

I am grateful for my circles of invisible friends.

I was grateful when my dad died and you lifted us up. I am grateful now, when it is plain old everyday life.

Just wanted you to know that.

Friday Litany: Litany for Priests

It is the year of the priesthood, our diocesan newspaper was just all about Dallas priests, and we are coming into a time of the liturgical year when they are busy and tired. Hopefully, in the midst of that they will also be renewed. A long one but a good one, from that wonderful spot to find a litany that hits the spot.

Litany for Priests

Let us pray for the Holy Father:
fill him with courage and grace, Lord.

Cardinals, archbishops, and bishops:
give them a shepherd's heart, Lord.

Diocesan priests:
fill them with your Spirit, Lord.

Priests in religious orders:
perfect them in their calling, Lord.

Priests who are ill:
heal them, Lord.

Priests who are in danger:
deliver them, Lord.

Priests who are weak:
strengthen them, Lord.

Priests who are poor:
relieve them, Lord.

Priests who have lost their zeal:
renew them, Lord.

Priests who are sad:
console them, Lord.

Priests who are worried:
give them peace, Lord.

Priest who are old:
sustain them, Lord.

Priests who are alone:
accompany them, Lord.

Missionary priests:
protect them, Lord.

Priests who are preachers:
enlighten them, Lord.

Priest who direct souls:
instruct them, Lord.

Priests and religious who have died:
bring them to glory, Lord.

For all priests:
give them Your wisdom and knowledge.

For all priests:
give them Your understanding and counsel.

For all priests:
give them reverence and awe of You.

For all priests:
give them patience and love.

For all priests:
give them obedience and kindness.

For all priests:
give them a burning zeal for souls.

For all priests:
give them virtues of faith, hope and love.

For all priests:
give them an intense love for the Eucharist.

For all priests:
give them loyalty to the Holy Father and their Bishops.

For all priests:
give them respect for life and human dignity.

For all priests:
give them integrity and justice.

For all priests:
give them humility and generosity.

For all priests:
give them strength in their labors.

For all priests:
give them peace in their sufferings.

For all priests:
give them great love for the Trinity.

For all priests:
give them great love for Mary.

For all priests:
let them be the light of Christ.

For all priests:
let them be the salt of the earth.

For all priests:
let them practice sacrifice and self-denial.

For all priests:
let them be holy in body, mind and spirit.

For all priests:
let them be men of prayer.

For all priests:
may faith shine forth in them.

For all priests:
may they be concerned for our salvation.

For all priests:
may they be faithful to their priestly vocation.

For all priests:
may their hands bless and heal.

For all priests:
may they burn with love for you.

For all priests:
may all their steps be for the glory of God.

For all priests:
may the Holy Spirit fill them,
and give them His gifts in abundance.

Let us pray.

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
hear the prayers we offer for our priests.
Let them know clearly the work that You are calling them to do.
Grant them every grace to answer Your call with courage,
love, and lasting dedication to Your will.
We ask Mary's intercession as their loving mother.

Amen.

I Didn't Know That: Something Interesting About Pope Benedict's Letter to the Irish

I've heard about the pope's letter, people saying that it was too mild, that there should also have been a letter to Germans and others, and so forth.

However, this has been the first time I've read anything that really surprised me. Turns out Pope Benedict has done something very new in that letter and it has slipped past everyone, more or less. Emphasis added is mine.

ROME, March 25, 2010 – Law and grace. Where earthly justice does not reach, the hand of God can. With his letter dated March 19, Benedict XVI has given the Catholics of Ireland an order never before given by a pope of the modern era to an entire national Church.

He told them not only to bring the guilty before the canonical and civil courts, but to put themselves collectively in a state of penance and purification. And not in the privacy of their consciences, but in a public form, before the eyes of all, even of their most implacable and mocking adversaries. Fasting, prayer, reading the Bible, and works of charity on all the Fridays from now until Easter of next year. Frequent sacramental confession. Continual adoration of Jesus – “ himself a victim of injustice and sin” – present in the sacred host, exposed on the altars of the churches. And for all the bishops, priests, and religious, without exception, a special period of “mission,” a long and strict course of spiritual exercises for a radical review of life.

It’s a daring step, this one taken by Pope Benedict. Because not even the prophet Jonah believed any longer that God would forgive Nineveh its sins, in spite of the penitential ashes and sackcloth worn by all, from the king to the lowliest beast of burden. ...

Read all of Sandro Magister's article here.

Cream Filled Oat Bars

Eat 'em up at Meanwhile, Back in the Kitchen.

Master Thriller, Ross Thomas

His writing is featured this week in a rerun at Forgotten Classics. Warning: explicit language, R-rating.

Lenten Online Retreat

The Anchoress is retreating from political news and focusing on the end of Lent. Here's a good place to begin.

So How's It Going With Everyone's Lenten Sacrifices?

I've discovered some very good classical music podcasts.

• Classical Music from Aspen
• Boise Philharmonic Podcast Series
• Archive Classics
  

They have just enough DJ-ish explanation to keep things going, but not enough to overshadow the music ... otherwise they'd be disqualified.

I also have found some great BBC classical shows like Discovering Music and The Early Music Show, as well as a couple of interesting BBC jazz shows like Jazz Library and Jazz Record Requests (thank you again Radio Downloader!)

Not to mention my regular favorites The Happy Hour Lounge and Theme Time Radio Hour with Bob Dylan.

However, I realized a couple of weeks ago how much I miss those spoken words when I misplaced my editing notes on that episode of Forgotten Classics and had to proof it a second time. Contrary to previous experiences, I didn't complain. I welcomed it! Oh, oh.

All that is to say that I have been struggling to keep from putting my post-Easter plan of one hour a day (to try to control the listening beast) into action now. Rationalizing, don't you know, that I see where the problem is, now I just must work on getting a handle on it.

I saw a few people here and there recently saying things like we give up things for Lent by the grace of God and if we fall, well God gives us grace then too. Or something like that.

It all sounded pretty good until I realized that part of this is about exercising (or taming) my will. If I fall, then I am supposed to get up and try again. And again. And, yes, even again if that is what it takes.

Otherwise it is all an easy thing like letting go of a New Years' resolution. I have to believe that opening that space for God is worth more struggle on my part. (Although, I here proudly report that I still haven't bought a book this year. Whew!)

Now, just to give me something to really look forward to, I received yesterday from SFFaudio, Dimiter by William "the Exorcist" Blatty.

Oh. Yeah.

Here's the skinny

Dimiter opens in the world’s most oppressive and isolated totalitarian state: Albania in the 1970s. A prisoner suspected of being an enemy agent is held by state security. An unsettling presence, though subjected to unimaginable torture he maintains an eerie silence. He escapes—and on the way to freedom, completes a mysterious mission. The prisoner is Dimiter, the American “agent from Hell.”

The scene shifts to Jerusalem, focusing on Hadassah Hospital and a cast of engaging, colorful characters: the brooding Christian Arab police detective, Peter Meral; Dr. Moses Mayo, a troubled but humorous neurologist; Samia, an attractive, sharp-tongued nurse; and assorted American and Israeli functionaries and hospital staff. All become enmeshed in a series of baffling, inexplicable deaths, until events explode in a surprising climax.

Told with unrelenting pace, Dimiter’s compelling, page-turning narrative is haunted by the search for faith and the truths of the human condition. Dimiter is William Peter Blatty’s first full novel since the 1983 publication of Legion.

Click through on the link to hear an excerpt.

As for the adding on part of Lent, I have made it to daily Mass almost every weekday. I have not managed to get into the speed-rosary in the back of the church, but it does make a wonderful background of prayer washing over me as I sit somewhat apart involved in my own communion with Jesus. So I do what I can on that front.

So that's all about me! How about everyone else? What's up with giving up and adding on for you?