Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans

"These Americans are destroying the moral and social fabric of our state," said Rep. Chris Turner, who added that he worries when he looks around Texas and sees people from places like Pennsylvania, Iowa, and Vermont. "The man who used to repair my truck was replaced by some mechanic who moved in here from Kansas. Lately I can't go to the store or the bank without running into all kinds of these foreigners. This wall is the only hope we have of keeping Texas safe."

"The truth is, Americans are just different from us," Turner added. "We don't even speak the same language."

From The Onion where else? (site may contain explicit material)

Now I am turning away to dab a tear of longing from my eyes ... and, yes, I'm as bad as everyone else. Now that I'm here, let's shut that border down, people.