Those of Jesus' Time

We are apt to think that it would have been easier to reverence the Lord if we had lived when he walked on the face of the earth. Yet open the gospels and you will see that the people of Jesus' time had it no better than we. They found fault with his carpenter's background, with the fact that he was from Galilee, and with the fact that his Aramaic wasn't perfect. Their ideas of who they thought the Messiah should be kept them from recognizing him when he was in their midst.

We risk missing Jesus time and time again if we look for the manifestation of God in all of his glory. Because God is merciful and knows we couldn't handle it, he comes to us in the imperfection of the present moment. Don't let him pass you by; invite him to come and stay with you.

How to Get the Most Out of the Eucharist
by Michael Dubruiel

Tom Can Find the Very Best Jokes

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline:

PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read:

PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. Next day the headline read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

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For a news story that seems all too timely and related to this joke ... read this. Via Rick Lugari.

Early Morning Snippet of Conversation

Rose said that they used to have a Honors Theology class at BL. "I wish they still did. This one is so booooring. The teacher's ok but how can these kids not get some of this stuff? It's so simple!"

I gently reminded her that perhaps these other students were not blessed as she was with a mother who sits down at the dinner table and says, "YES! The natural world as proof of free will! Brilliant!" And then goes on to discuss further subtleties of that argument.

"Blessed?" responded Rose with an eloquent eye roll.

Punny Business

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

"Does this taste funny to you?"



"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it common?"

Well, "It's Not Unusual."



Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you,"says Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.



An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.



Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Fast in Anticipation

We live in an age where we are bombarded with advertisements. They assault us at every turn on the city street, in what we hear on the airwaves, in pop-up ads on the Internet. They all promise to save us from some unsightly end, and while some can offer some relief, all of them can do so for only a time. It is the Bridegroom, Jesus, who can truly save us, and that is why fasting is so necessarily a part of the Christian life. Without it we lose sight of the fact that the real thing that we hunger and thirst for is not a thing at all, it is not some fruit hanging from a tree that is "a delight to the eyes" (Genesis 3:6), but rather the Son of God offering us salvation from the tree of the Cross.

How to Get the Most Out of the Eucharist
by Michael Dubruiel

So Very Punny

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.



A jumper cable walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."



Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.



A dyslexic man walks into a bra.



A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:

"A beer please, and one for the road."

One Last Halloween Fling

No jury duty! Woohoo! Though it was less nice to drop by the house to pick up lunch and find our boxer curled up on the couch ... since we weren't expected home yet.

Anyway, I wanted to share this from Catholic Exchange's Word of Encouragement but didn't have time to post it this morning.

Happy All Hallows Eve!
-----------------------

Psalm 23:5
Thou preparest a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
thou anointest my head with oil,
my cup overflows.

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Most people don't think of horror as a genre of literature or film that is particularly agreeable to Christian sensibilities. However, two of the great practitioners of horror on both page and screen consider their work to be an extension of the gospel. Stephen King, author of many a scary tale, says that he considers himself the spiritual heir of the great Puritan preacher, Jonathan Edwards (who preached the famous sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God"). William Peter Blatty, who penned "The Exorcist" wrote the story precisely in order to show both the depths of demonic evil and to remind the world of the reality of Christ-like self-sacrifice. It is the depth of the darkness of the Enemy that paradoxically highlights the brilliance of the light of Heaven. Indeed, the word "monster" comes from the same root as the word "demonstrate" and "monstrance". A "monster" demonstrates what we can and will be apart from Christ. A monstrance shows forth the saving eucharistic, and self-sacrificial power of him who underwent the worst horror the world has ever known to save us from the terrors of Hell. He has prepared a eucharistic table for us in the presence of Satan himself--and deprived him of his prey. This Halloween, be not afraid.

Since they talk about authors ... let's just segueway over to scary books, shall we?

I've seen a lot of Halloween movies discussed but not favorite scary books. Here are a few creepy books that are favorites of mine (in no particular order). I know I'm forgetting a lot of them so just pipe up with your favorites.

1. The Shining by Stephen King
2. The Stand by Stephen King
   
3. The Exorcist by William Blatty (not reread ... scared me silly and once was enough)
4. The Uninvited by Dorothy Macardle
5. Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury
6. The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson
7. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman (not traditionally scary but definitely unsettling)
8. Dracula by Bram Stoker (maybe this isn't scary but I must have read it at least 10 times when I was in high school and no Halloween list is complete without it .... and actually, Renfield is majorly creepy now that I think of it)
   

Incline Your Ear to the Lord

What are some concrete steps we can take that will help us get the most from the Word of God? Here are a few that can easily be remembered by using the word P.R.A.Y. ...

P ... Prepare by studying Scripture and coming to a better understanding of how Catholics approach and interpret the Word... The less familiar we are with the Word that we hear proclaimed at the Eucharist, the more likely we are to be distracted by what we hear rather than fed.

R ... Read the Mass readings beforehand... If we read beforehand we can better listen when the readings are being proclaimed, and it is more likely that we will truly hear what God wishes to say to us.

A ... Attend to what is being read to us at the Eucharist. Listen in a way that acknowledges that God wishes to speak to you at this Mass...

Y ... Yield to what God is asking of you and respond with a "yes." Every celebration of the Eucharist is a renewing of the covenant between God and us. God waits for our response.

How to Get the Most Out of the Eucharist
by Michael Dubruiel

Roadside Crosses

Just this week, driving Rose to Kung Fu lessons, I noticed a roadside cross at a very busy intersection in the middle of Dallas. As always, when I notice them, it made me think. I wondered about the grieving family. I wondered how the accident happened. I thought about driving safety. Then I wondered where this custom came from. Thinking this custom probably had come with Hispanic immigrants, and probably originated in Europe (Spain?), I wondered if it was practiced only along the border ... or do they have roadside crosses as far north as Ohio?

The Dallas Morning News Religion section had their main story about that very thing. It turns out that the custom does, indeed, originate in Spain where crosses would be erected to mark a place of violent death. Although the custom was brought here by Hispanic immigrants it has spread throughout Southwest culture. Even my thoughts about driving safety were covered as it turns out the Texas Department of Transportation thinks they are a good warning about safe driving. They even have rules covering these memorials. Free registration is required but I found the whole story fascinating.

Also of interest in the section was an article about Opus Dei. I don't see any links yet but when one is put up I'll put it up. Fascinating and seemed very even handed. This article was prompted by John Allen's new book, Opus Dei. I will no doubt be reading this some time in the future.

Ok, This Is Absolutely the Last Hottie Around Here ...

... for a few days anyway.

But how could I not respond to Rhonda's pain?
Poor thing. It would really be wrong of me to leave a sister in such a condition.

Not that I didn't enjoy selecting the photos.

Now I am so seriously going to start putting up some different posts for a little while. Well, tomorrow morning, anyway.

The Body of Christ

The Second Vatican Council captured a way of looking at our membership in the Church that is drawn from the writings of St. Paul, namely that the Church is the body of Christ. "Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it" (1 Corinthians 12:27). The Orthodox liturgist Alexander Schmemann said:

We need to be thoroughly aware that when we come to the temple it is not for individual prayer but to assemble together as the Church and the visible temple itself signifies and is but an image of the temple not made by hands. Therefore, the "assembly as the Church" is in reality the first liturgical act, the foundation of the entire liturgy; and unless one understands this, one cannot understand the rest of the celebration.

If we make this the backdrop to everything that we do at the Eucharist we will find that our whole view of the meaning of our acts will change. We essentially will be responding for the sustenance of our own body -- which through our membership in the Church now will be Christ's body. Our voices, our movements, and our treasure will be given not to some cold institution but, as Schmemann says, to the "temple not made with hands."

How to Get the Most Out of the Eucharist
by Michael Dubruiel

Spero News Scoop

... Spero News is a success. It's that simple ... the visitors keep coming in. How many visitors? In our first month up (April) we had around 470,000 hits, 104,000 page views with 38,000 visitors, compared to so far this month 900,000 hits, 251,000 page views and 100,000 visitors. That means even if the growth stopped (which we don't think it will) the site will average over 1 million visitors a year...

From a recent update. Congratulations to Clint and Robert. They have put a lot of hard work into this project and it looks as if it is being felt. If you haven't dropped by Spero News, alternative Christian news, go see what you've been missing.

Bridget, This One's For You

And so is this one. I believe it was you who mentioned "the gorgeousness that is Jin?"

I Confess...

Every Mass begins with a chance for us to remember our own plunge into the waters of baptism, and throughout the Mass we recall all that separates us from God, namely our sins and our idols. When the priest or deacon asks us to call to mind our sins, we should do so. We should pay attention to what pops into our heads at that moment. God may reveal to you an area of sinfullness (somethat that is separating you from perfect communion with him) at that moment. Don't be surprised at what comes up but place it before God at this moment in the Mass so that he can transform it. Recall that God is your Savior, not yourself. Allow God to save you from your sins in his mercy. Believe that God's mercy is greater than your sins.

How to Get the Most Out of the Eucharist
by Michael Dubruiel

I have been trying to remember to do this since I read about it. It can be surprising and humbling to see what may pop into your mind at that moment.

Two "Must Read" Pieces

In fact, the awe we experience is a manifestation of human dignity. We see and understand ourselves to be a part of a greater scheme. We understand ourselves to be a part of the masterpiece that is Creation. We- each of us, have a starring role in the play of life- Creation. It is an unfolding drama, comedy and musical- with our best efforts and intentions a part of the script. We are not meant to ad lib our way through life. We are obligated and meant to make Creation an even more magnificent expression that It is, and we each of us have lead role in doing just that.

The Fight for Your Soul at Sigmund, Carl and Alfred puts into sharp focus the reason that religion scares so many but why it is also so very vital to our welfare. Short, to the point, and inspirational.

(Those of you who are going to write me and say that traditional worship doesn’t do a thing for you need to hear the following sentence: Other than the Gospel, I don’t care what you get out of visiting a church. You, and your (or my) preferences and entertainment choices, are not the point. Including you is one thing. Catering to you is another.)

The Internet Monk discusses why the Church on the Corner is in peril. It all comes down to changing worship styles that began in the 1970s to make cater to the young. Long but well worth reading, his penetrating commentary is just as applicable to many Catholic churches I've attended. They may manage to keep to the mandated Liturgy (barely) but have changed the rest of the Mass to so glorify the musicians, participating lay people, and congregation that it is barely possible at times to remember that we are there to worship the Lord.

Admitting Our Need

There is often talk about the way "modern" Catholics believe, picking and choosing what they believe and bypassing what they don't. It has been termed cafeteria Catholicism -- what it is in reality is intellectual sin. We accept Christ's teachings only so far as it agrees with what we already think. When it challenges us, we ignore it.

Jesus didn't accept this from his disciples. When he announced the doctrine of the Eucharist in John 6 many disciples ceased to follow him because they found the teaching too difficult (see John 6:66). Did Jesus yell out, "Oh, that's okay -- take what you like, ignore the rest?" No, instead he turned to those who had not left him and asked, "Do you want to leave me too?"

Our reluctance to accept the Lord's teaching, "in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do," may be our most persistent sin, one that we constantly need to confess openly, as we do at the beginning of every celebration of the Eucharist.

How to Get the Most Out of the Eucharist
by Michael Dubruiel

Confess Your Belief in God

Jesus revealed the love of God to us by dying for us and leaving us a memorial of his death in the Eucharist. The word memorial had a special meaning for the Jewish people of Jesus' time. It didn't mean recalling the past, as it does for us today, but rather it meant making present a past event. Thus, when we come together at the Eucharist, we are present as Calvary and witness once again what God is like through Jesus.

How to Get the Most Out of the Eucharist
by Michael Dubruiel

An Atheist and An Agnostic Look for the Virgin Mary

The Miracle Detective by Randall Sullivan
Virgin Trails by Robert Ward

My lastest Spero news article is a review of two different books whose authors search for the Blessed Virgin. The surprising thing about them is that one author is an atheist and one an agnostic. What do they find? That would be telling.

Horrendous "Head Count" But a Lot of Fun

SLEEPY HOLLOW
In the spirit of Halloween we rented this movie. Dan mentioned in the comments boxes that he had such a slow workday that he wound up reading a story about a headless chicken who lived for 18 months ... he would have loved the number of headless bodies in this movie. Though, unlike Dan's chicken, they didn't live for any appreciable time once decapitated.

It is loosely based on the classic story The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving. It is set in upstate New York. There is a headless horseman. Johnny Depp plays Ichabod Crane (most adorably, of course) and there are a lot of people with Dutch last names. There ends any resemblance.

Nevertheless it was fun to watch and certainly better than Tim Burton's last movie, The Corpse Bride, if for not other reason than the large amount of gore everywhere at every opportunity. It is as if about halfway through the movie, Burton said, "Oh, to hell with it. This isn't the real story anyway. Let's have some FUN!" Witches, gore, a massive explosion, old West style stagecoach fighting with the headless horseman ... he threw in everything but the kitchen sink.

And for some reason that was ok. We laughed at the whole thing because so much of it was so over the top and had a great time. Certainly it was a wonderful way to forget about all the stress of the work day (which, sadly, had no time at all for headless chicken stories).

Recommended only if you like lots of bodiless heads, blood, Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci ... and won't hold it against them for not really making a movie about The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.

HC Rating: *** Liked it despite absence of flubber (flubber in this case being any sort of resemblance to the original story).

Savage Chickens and Halloween

Next week is Halloween Week at Savage Chickens. Looks like they're getting a head start today. Check it out.