Culture Crash ... Picking Up the Pieces Requires Sacrifice

With the Beyond Cana marriage retreat coming up, naturally marriage is much on my mind. My marriage (thankfully always good, in fact now the best it has ever been), marriages in distress for which I pray, and our culture's problems with marriage in general.

It is therefore very timely that Heather at CraftLit (podcast)brought up this Atlantic Monthly article with a good deal of dismay and not a little bewilderment. Heather is not naive. She understands what makes a good marriage and what makes them fall apart. It is the author's irreverent attitude perhaps that is bewildering. Entitled "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off," the subhead reads merrily, "The author is ending her marriage. Isn’t it time you did the same?"

It is the ultimate modern viewpoint. Shallow and selfish. The exact opposite of what a good, not to mention sacramental, marriage is all about.

DarwinCatholic makes many of the points that I have already thought of so I will let you read it there. If you don't want to read the entire article, and it is very long, then just go to Darwin's place. He points out the salient parts for you to read.

Luckily, we need not despair because that is not a view that everyone has in the modern world. Here is an excellent piece from the equally excellent Art of Manliness blog: DIY Marriage Counseling. Please do go read it. And, of course, here's a bit to whet your appetite.

As it turns out, this bootstrapping mentality is not such a bad idea. A recent study found that reading research-based articles together as a couple, and applying the advice from those articles to your relationship was just as effective as attending a workshop or seminar.1 If you’re having serious problems in your marriage, you may need to see a therapist, but if you’re marriage simply needs some tuning up, here are some diy basics to read over with your spouse and start applying to your relationship.

Banish the Four Horsemen of Divorce

Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D. has been studying marriages in a lab at the University of Washington for 20 years. While many people think that what makes a happy or unhappy marriage is somewhat mysterious and divorce is hard to predict, he can watch a couple interact for only a few hours and then forecast with 91% accuracy whether or not they’ll end up divorcing. He’s not a fortune teller; he simply looks for telltale signs in the way the couple interacts and handles their disagreements. Those that display what he calls the “four horseman of the apocalypse” have a high likelihood for divorce. If a couple can identify and rectify these behaviors, the marriage can often be saved. So let’s take a look at what the four horsemen are.