Dear President Obama ... We Want to Dance!

... Like millions of other Americans of both parties, I watched your inauguration and its accompanying festivities with great interest. I must admit, however, that I was more than a little disappointed by your performance, as well as Michelle’s, during the round of inaugural balls you attended. What you displayed for us at those events was, admittedly, movement of some kind, but in my estimation, it hardly qualifies as dance. From a couple such as you and Michelle, celebrated as you are as the typifying of youth, class, and sophistication, I would have expected something as graceful and elegant as the foxtrot or waltz, as romantic as the bolero, as sensual as the Argentine tango, or perhaps as lively and invigorating as the cha-cha, quickstep, or jive. But surely we all deserved something better than the 20 seconds or so of lifeless, perfunctory sashaying that we saw repeated several times that night. ...

... you – and by extension, your wife – have a responsibility to set a good example for all of us, including with respect to the cultivation and development of good dance-floor skills. This brings up my second point, which is that in order to avoid a general breakdown in the social order and to revive our collective sense of self-confidence during this time of major crisis, I recommend that the recently-enacted economic stimulus package – which, quite frankly, sucks – be revamped, and that its new and improved version emphasize and promote the benefits of ballroom and Latin dancing, which all Americans would be encouraged to learn and pursue as a lifetime activity.

I believe that instead of the current $787-billion monstrosity, a more modest package of, say, $40 to $50 billion should be enacted immediately, and the funds thus appropriated divvied out to dance studios all over the country. ... The current economic upheavals we all face amount to a crisis of confidence as much as anything else, and I know from my own experience that ballroom dancing can do wonders for one’s sense of self-assurance. Imagine the effect of an entire nation indulging regularly in this difficult, challenging, but joyous activity! ...

A bit of my friend Garry's letter to President Obama, which is funny (as we know) because it's true! Go read it all.