The Grammar of Love

Because love is quite often not about feelings, Another Espresso Please shares these home truths with us. Once again, I praise God's wisdom in making the family our learning ground on both sides of the equation, for husbands and wives, for parents and children. This is a hefty excerpt but there is more so do go read it all.

... And because I am so dense, God had to send me MORE children to teach me this.

So He did. And I learned. It was not easy.

I learned that when you are overwhelmed with the change of family, from three to five children and all of them young enough to be very needy...love becomes stretched. Or it seems like it does, or did. Not necessarily stretched in an immediate 'bring them into the cushion of my embrace'...but can be stretched in the sense of "oh my goodness, how do I do this and I'm not FEELING any flutters or torrents of emotion, unless you count the flutters behind my burning sleepy eyes and the tears about to flood!"

And I cried. And I was shocked and despairing at my utter failing.

As a mom. As a person. I didn't love enough, somehow, I thought.

I didn't FEEEEEEL the feelings that they say you are supposed to feel, I thought.

I wasn't being lifted. I was sinking, I thought.

I wasn't really.

I was learning, and growing, and loving.

Thank God, literally, for the graces bestowed on the sacrament of marriage.

Instead of wondering what was wrong with me, or worst of all, scoffing it all off my husband smiled at me, unconcerned, although of course, concerned.....

I would follow him around the house, carrying one or two of the babies, saying, "Yeah, I know, I love them...but, it's so much, so much to do.....will I feel it? Will I love them enough????"

Because I knew. I found out - how shallow and needy I am (still).

Because it was about me.

He would smile at me. Then he would take one and hold her.

And he said, "Just DO for them."

"Huh? Are you not watching me, that's what I'm doing!"

"That's right. That's just right" he would smile.

And when he would see my eyes about to pool over, and me look at him in dismay, he would remind me, "DO for them, the feelings, the depth of feeling, will come. That's what makes the truest love. DO for them. Don't worry. Do for them." ...