Read aloud for full impact.
The Bible in Couplets
by Christopher Howse
God makes the heavens and the earth
And finds them very nice.
When Adam eats forbidden fruit
He forfeits Paradise.
Mankind grows worse, but Noah's ark
Keeps eight souls in the dry.
There's much begetting; Abraham
Is chosen by and by.
His progeny are Egypt's slaves
Till Moses leads them out;
The Ten Commandments tell them what
The Israelites gain Canaan, and
Surrounding peoples smite.
King David takes Bathsheba from
Uriah the Hittite,
He then repents, writes psalms, but sins
By numbering Israel,
Repents again, is told by God
His house shall never fail.
A golden temple of the Lord
Is built by Solomon.
The exiled Israelites hang harps
In fluvial Babylon.
Lions don't eat Daniel; Job gets boils;
The prophets prophesy;
Jonah meets fish; the Preacher says
That all is vanity.
Jesus is born in Bethlehem
And is baptised by John
In Jordan, and the Spirit dove
Then him descends upon.
He heals the sick, walks on the sea
And multiplies the bread,
Shares supper with apostles, then
Is crucified, and dead.
He rises from the dead, is seen
By many, then ascends
To heaven, from which he'll return
It says, when this world ends.
Saul (later Paul) falls off his horse,
Turns Christian, hits the trail,
Writes letters to the churches and
Ends life locked up in jail.
Four horsemen, beasts and trumpets fill
The Book of Revelation,
Whose meaning has been subject to
Much vexed interpretation.