Wednesday, July 8, 2009

What's a Catholic Blog Doing With a Horoscope in the Sidebar?

Yukking it up, mostly.

I appreciate the many people who care enough to take the time and trouble to write mentioning that belief in horoscopes is against Church teachings. However, I would appreciate it equally, indeed actually much more, if right before sending that email, those same people would actually read the day's horoscope and perhaps click through to the cited sources: The Onion (warning, site can have explicit content) or Dr. Boli.

They would then see that 'tis all in good fun. Not to mention making fun of horoscopes.

Just in case there are any doubts, here is a random sampling. If they don't make you laugh (or smile at the very least) then we do not share the same sense of humor:
  • You'll soon discover three new planets, a dwarf star, and two orbiting satellites—an incredible achievement for someone just trying to peer in on his neighbor.

  • A surprise party looms in your future. Although, technically speaking, the "surprise" has more to do with how few people will show up.

  • You'll stop going with your gut and start listening to your heart, almost instantly ruining your career in public relations.

  • The stars foresee a time of great vagueness and something or other in your future. Also, there will be a chair.

  • Your science-fiction novel will be heralded as a "work of utmost urgency and importance" by critics in a mirror universe this week.

  • A panel of twelve jurors will soon find you guilty of a crime you didn't commit very well.

  • You will lose hours trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, moments after quickly and easily fitting a round peg into a square hole.

  • The stars are sorry, but writing greeting-card messages does not make you a poet. Take comfort in the fact that, since this is America, you'll make the lists anyway.

  • Lady Luck will be on your side this week. Unfortunately for you, Lady Skill, Lady Experience, and Lady Applied Probability Theory won't.

  • The stars are becoming a little upset at your constant pestering about the future. Would it kill you to maybe loosen up a little and live for the moment?

  • A double-inclined plane will—through the application of downward force—drive a wedge between you and your spouse this week.

  • People say you have one of the biggest egos in the world, but what they probably mean is best—one of the best egos in the world.
The true purpose of this post is not to complain, but actually to have something to link to so that I may take the preemptive move of directing people to this explanation before they go to the trouble of writing.

Thank you for your concern!

I thought my post about why I have horoscopes in the sidebar was definitive. Let me say this more bluntly, as it clearly is not definitive for those whose minds are unable to take in more than one concept concerning a subject. I am not endorsing horoscopes. I am explaining why my horoscopes are amusing and a mockery of regular horoscopes. It is not an apologia for the occult as anyone with half a brain can see. Take your soap box elsewhere. Thank you.


  1. You would probably appreciate Weird Al's song "Horoscope", he's basically making fun of horoscopes and it's hilarious. :)

  2. I think if your horoscope sidebar was titled "Pearls of Wisdom" or "If You Can Take a Joke, Read This..." those tunnel-vision folks wouldn't have the aide of a heading to raise their blasphemy flag. Some of those "horoscopes" could just as easily fit as a caption to a Far Side comic. It takes an intelligent mind to appreciate sophisticated humor.

  3. Father Brown (GK Chesterton)6/19/10, 8:24 PM

    "...if it's all a fraud, I don't mind it so much. It can't be much more of a fraud than most things at fancy bazaars; and there, in a way, it's a sort of practical joke. But if it's a religion and reveals spiritual truths - then it's all as false as hell and I wouldn't touch it with a barge-pole." [The Red Moon of Meru]

  4. Anyone with "half a brain" would KNOW that if it quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it's a duck. Thus call your "horoscopes" by another name. Soap box aside, this is sending an ambiguous message to people, especially those converting to Catholicism and struggling in their faith. Apart from that, I don't get your sense of humor.

  5. Anonymous, I suppose we are fairly even because I don't understand how people think this is not funny. We seem fated to be some of those people who just don't understand each other. :-)

    That said, if you don't share my sense of humor you'd probably be well off seeking out a different blog to read, because it tends to pop out everywhere.

  6. I don't think I want to live in a world where I'm not surrounded by your sense of humor.
    Whenever it was we lost our ability to appreciate and understand irony (around 1967, I think...maybe later?) and thus, satirists like Twain, we took a giant step backwards.
    Thank you for always making me think and laugh--usually at the same time.

  7. Heather, you sweetie. Thank you! :-)

  8. I'm a cradle Catholic and have tried to live my Faith for 72 years. I did not realize reading horoscopes was against the rules. Is it a matter of confession if I didn't take pleasure in reading them? What about Chinese fortune cookies? I've really been a sinner, I suppose.

  9. Fortune cookies! Oh nooooo!!!!!!!!


    I think as long as we're not trying to live our lives by 'em, we're ok. The thing that gets me is, evidently, some people do!

    Now that, to me, is really funny.

  10. Terry,

    There is a difference between reading your Horoscope (which is innocent in itself as long as you do not take it as a credible source of information) and living/believing in astrology.

    About 90% of news papers have horoscopes in them, so if merely reading a horoscope (and finding a small joy in it) is a sin, then Catholics would be pretty much be forbidden to pick up a Newspaper because of the occasion to sin.


    This guy.

  11. Actually, Julie, the daily horoscope has had better advice for me than the experts in the Daily Racing Form.

  12. "Also there will be chair..." That one cracked me up.... Great job with this blog....


  13. Hi, I'm new here, having done a search on whether JK Rowling is Catholic and subsequently finding the Ironic Catholic's News Release on her CONVERSION and subsequent alteration of book 7. I was appalled that you would use JKR and HP as a focus for your humor. Doesn't he have enough trouble as Savior of the Free World while still under sway of teenage hormones and clearly without a sensible adult anywhere to help him? And making fun of horoscopes? I imagine you made fun of the divination teacher, too. No wonder she drank! In Catholic symbolism, she's Martha's sister Mary, you know, and Prof MacGonagall is Martha. Or possibly it's Mrs. Weasley. All the saints' names mentioned in the book, like Norbert and Hedwig ... JKR was clearly a latent convert. It'll happen, you'll see. It's in her stars!

    PS, Coming here was wonderful little accident (or was it meant to be?), and I'll definitely be back. THANK YOU for a great blog!!!

    --Sincerely, devoted yet irreverent cradle Catholic, Lorraine

  14. You made me laugh ... so much!

    Thank YOU for that! :-)

  15. I just realized that the HP humor and the Horoscope humor were not after all on the same blog but connected by links. I often get similarly confused going through the many doors in this huge mansion called the Internet. Here is the link to the HP humor I referenced:

    So, my horoscope must be the one about vagueness today. I am, after all, sitting on a chair.

  16. So funny. I am going to have to send these off to my family.

  17. Amen, sister! Very funny, too. You definitely don't suffer from irony deficiency.

  18. It amazes me the number of people who do not know (understand?) that "The Onion" is parody. **SIGH** Sr.Mary.Something.

  19. Keep up the good fight. People seem to be more and more humorless these days, and we need this sort of thing!

  20. I love the 'horoscopes'. Hilarious! I have never heard of anyone doing it this way and I think it's great! I am trying not to read the usual horoscopes (due to me previously being in the occult) but your's I will. :))
    I will also join you blog.
    Congrats on a sharing the love of God in a fun and positive way. :)

    Angela. Hervey Bay, Qld.

  21. I love it!!! We all know VERY WELL that all those complaining Catholic and other Christians will be checking out their horoscopes SOMEWHERE for "just fun" and better here, where it is a clear mockery/satire, than somewhere that Sylvia Brown is earning pennies on it...You could call it "CATHOLIC HOROSCOPE" to really ignite some fire lol.

  22. Your clever words may have been intended to entertain--but please change the name so you don't unintentionally mislead the uninformed, and end up mocking we faithful of the Catholic Church. Yes, the side bar words are cleverly played. But--There any many, many people who have never understood the beauty of the Catholic faith who look for anything to point out our foolishness (like superstition and St. Joseph Statues to sell a home) even on your website. Maybe: Today's Droppings from the Horo-scoop. Or break the connection with HOROSCOPE altogether and call it Today's Side View Mirror, or The Slightly Offset Side.....
    Be creative, WinnieMae in St. Augustine

  23. WinnieMae, the horoscopes are satirical. And creative.