As I said, we know it is not possible to always be happy. Last week the convergence of a number of factors hit me in just the wrong way at the wrong time and I was overcome with sorrow. In fact, I remember a distinctly odd moment of sending a garbled reassurance to Jesus that it wasn't that I lacked faith or trust but I had to get through this moment first ... right before I bent over the kitchen sink and sobbed for a while. I realize that Jesus needs no such reassurance. I was actually clarifying things for myself while giving in to emotional distress.
However, perhaps because of that same garbled emergency message, I had the experience of receiving consolation while giving in to sorrow. In my mind's eye, there was an arm round my shoulders gently patting me, a head tilted against my own, and a murmuring "There, there, Jules. It's ok... ." Notice there were no promises of making everything ok, of me getting to sit back and let someone else take up the problems. I didn't expect that. I also didn't expect such clear consolation and sharing of my moment either, however.
After a good cry cleared my system, I was able to move on through my day. It wasn't miraculously filled with joy. Actually, I was not in the best of moods. However, I was able to overcome the impulse to snap at people, to ignore what I didn't want to face, and to avoid shutting myself off from the world. In short, I was given the grace I needed to fight my battle of the moment. It was enough. By the afternoon I had regained much of my usual optimism.
In the week that followed, the memory of that consolation would occasionally float into my mind and it was warming. I have never had such a clear indicator of "not walking alone." Usually a memory of sorrow does not bring joy but this memory did. The difference was that Jesus was there with me.
Which all brings me to the point that yesterday was Gaudete Sunday, which reminds us to rejoice always in all situations. That memory flooded through me as I was in front of the tabernacle during Mass and it was a cryative time (crying and sensitive ... Rose's term). And joyful.
Yesterday's readings from In Conversation with God just underscored my experience even more.
The world's happiness is a poor and transitory thing. The Christian's happiness is profound and can exist in the midst of difficulties. It is compatible with pain, with illness, with failures and contradictions. our Lord has promised: Your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. (John 16:22) Unless we separate ourselves from its source, nothing and nobody can take away this joyful peace.This is the cause of our joy. This is what we long to share with others who have not yet found Jesus. "Lift up your heart, lift up your voice; rejoice, again I say, rejoice."
To have the certainty that God is our Father and wants all that is best for us gives us a serene and joyful confidence even in the face, sometimes, of unexpected hardships. In those moments which a man without faith would consider to be meaningless and deadly blows of fate, the Christian discovers God, and with Him a much greater good than he seems to have lost. How many obstacles vanish, when in our hearts we place ourselves next to this God of ours, who never abandons us! Jesus' love for his own, for the sick and for the lame is renewed, expressed by different sufferers in different ways. "What's the matter?" he asks; and we reply, "Its my ..." At once there is light, or at least the acceptance of his will, and inner peace. (J. Escriva, Friends of God, 249)
We will have difficulties, as everyone always has, but whether they are great or small these contradictions will never be able to destroy our happiness. We have to expect the setback as part and parcel of ordinary life, and we cannot put off being happy until some impossible time arrives in which there are no contradictions, temptations, or sorrows. What is more, we should have no opportunities at all for growing in virtue if we had no obstacles to overcome.
We need a firm foundation for our happiness. It cannot depend exclusively on changeable circumstances like good news, good health, peace and quiet, enough money to bring up the family comfortably and having all the material possessions we would like. All these things are good in themselves if they do not separate us from God, but they are unable to provide us with real happiness.
Our Lord asks us to be happy always. Let each man take care how he builds. For no other foundation can anyone lay other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. (1 Cor 3:11) Only he can be the support of our whole life. There is no sorrow which he cannot alleviate: Do not fear, only believe, he says to us. (Luke 8:50) He knows everything which is going to happen in our lives, including those things that will result from our stupidity and lack of sanctity. But he has the remedy for them all.
Very often, as we are doing now in this time of prayer, we shall have to come to him in the Tabernacle and have a conversation with him which is both serious and intimate. And we shall need to lay bare our soul in Confession, and in personal spiritual direction. There we shall find the source of happiness; and our gratitude will show itself in greater faith, in an ever-increasing hope which banishes all sadness, and in our care for other people. For yet a little, just a very little while, and He that is to come will come, and shall not delay; (Heb 10:37) and with him come peace and joy; with Jesus we find meaning in our life.
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