You Can Know God's Will. But Will You Want to Do It?

Over and over again this past week, I've found that the challenge is not usually knowing what God's will is...it's following it. There have been some occasions where I really don't know what I am supposed to do and can only go forward in meekness and blind trust. But, more often, when I pray about my anxiety, God's path for the resolution of the situation is actually pretty clear: it involves stuff like smoothing over tense interpersonal situations with great humility and love; resolving financial stress by admitting things I don't want to admit and committing to sacrifices I don't want to make; making overwhelming situations manageable by taking a hard look at my priorities (like, say, stopping half way though a blog post I really wanted to finish to open mail instead) and asking for help when I need it. And so on and so on. Not surprisingly, it keeps coming down to stuff like sacrifice, humility, loving openly and selflessly, patience, being willing to be vulnerable, etc. In other words: really hard stuff that I don't want to do.

Jen at Et Tu?

I feel ya, sistah!

I realized earlier this year that I almost always know what I should do but spend quite a lot of mental effort trying to justify my way out of doing it. Often this is over a real no-brainer and something fairly simple like attending a Holy Day of Obligation Mass (If only they picked more convenient mass times. What would those convenient times be? Well, to be honest ... how about never?)

I don't have to get in a prayerful mindset the way that Jen describes (of course, I'm battling out and out disobedience here, not dealing with anxiety as she is and that's a whole different problem). I already know. I'm like the three-year-old who is coming up with excuse after excuse, trying them out all the while knowing that none of them are good enough.

When I finally give up and give in? Oh, the relief of not struggling any more!

Now that I have realized this pattern, I try to recognize it earlier and just give in ASAP. No matter what I will have to do the "right thing" that I am trying to avoid ... but now without all the added stress of arguing with Papa about it.

I will double back and add that the times I haven't known what to do and prayed about what to do in a tough situation, I almost always get that "little thought" floating from the back of my mind that shows the way. Sometimes when I'm extra dense I get a stern, smackdown. Yes, it's happened. (Which was one of the things that convinced me I wasn't just "making up" what I wanted to hear. I'm always much gentler with myself than God sometimes is.) Nothing makes you jump up and follow marching orders like getting yelled at.

Go read all of Jen's post. There's much more and, as always, it's all good stuff.