Christmas Jokes

Repeating this because these made me laugh ... again!

I love hollandaise sauce. It caused a lot of cavities. My dentist told me I would need a plate made of chrome if I wanted to continue my hollandaise habit. I said, “Really?” He said. “Oh yes. There’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.”

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red. He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her and said, "Look my dear, it has begun to rain!" Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It must be sleeting." The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!

May Your Days Be Merry and Bright

May Your Days Be Merry and Bright
By Karin Jurick

An Advent Story

Brandywine Books posted this true story  years ago. I liked it so much that I am reposting it now. Just a little something to remind us of why we are standing at that window, waiting for the light ...

When Marvin was a young teenager (around the 1930s or early ‘40s, I imagine), he asked his father if he could go with the other kids to some entertainment event (he didn’t say what kind). His father said it wouldn’t be appropriate and told him no. Marvin said he was going anyway, and headed out.

“If you go out without my approval,” his father told him as he reached the door, “this house will be locked when you get home, and you’ll have to sleep somewhere else.”

Marvin refused to back down. He left. He enjoyed the event.

That, he said, was the short part of the night.

When he got home he found the house dark, the doors locked. Even that window in the basement that the kids could sometimes work loose was locked tight.

Marvin stood in the dark, thinking about his options. It wasn’t winter, but it was fall and the night was getting cold.

He remembered a sort of loft in the chicken coop which his brother and he had appropriated as a “secret place.” It had a sort of a mattress and a ratty quilt.

He went into the chicken coop and climbed up. The “mattress” was there, but the quilt was gone.

Lacking other options, he lay down on the mattress and curled up in a fetal position. The cold wind blew in through the cracks. The coop stank of chicken droppings. There was no way to sleep. He lay there in the darkness hugging himself, shivering. The hours passed slowly. He wondered if he could make it through the night.

Then, at last, he heard a door open. He heard a creaking sound as someone climbed the board ladder to the loft. Someone put a pillow under his head, lay down and held him close, and pulled a quilt over both of them.

In the darkness, he heard his father say, “Marvin, when I said that if you disobeyed me you’d have to find another place to sleep tonight, I didn’t say that I would sleep inside.”

And so that pastor taught his son the true meaning of the Incarnation.

Wish I’d had a dad like that.

Wait. I do.

Magi

Carving of the Magi from the Romanesque Cathedral of Saint Lazare/Autun

Yes, it is too early to really think of the Magi arriving, but let's just think about the fact that they had to be on the road for a while. So we may surely think of the angel inspiring them to get underway.

A Thought for Advent

There will be those who say: "that is exactly why I don't go to Communion more often, because I realize my love is cold ..." If you are cold, do you think it sensible to move away from the fire? Precisely because you feel your heart frozen you should go "more frequently" to Holy Communion, provided you feel a sincere desire to love Jesus Christ. "Go to Holy Communion," says St. Bonaventure, "even when you feel lukewarm, leaving everything in God's hands. The more my sickness debilitates me, the more urgently do I need a doctor."

St. Alphonsus Liguori, The practice of love for Jesus, 2
Quoted in In Conversation with God by Francis Fernandez
Daily Meditations Vol. 1: Advent and Christmastide

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

A former FBI hostage negotiator offers a new, field-tested approach to negotiating – effective in any situation.

After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a kidnapping negotiator brought him face-to-face with bank robbers, gang leaders, and terrorists. Never Split the Difference takes you inside his world of high-stakes negotiations, revealing the nine key principles that helped Voss and his colleagues succeed when it mattered the most – when people’s lives were at stake.

Rooted in the real-life experiences of an intelligence professional at the top of his game, Never Split the Difference will give you the competitive edge in any discussion.

This isn't not the sort of book I normally would ever read. However, it was given to me by a fellow home advocate from the St. Vincent de Paul Society who told me that it would be invaluable in dealing with landlords. This is both funny and probably true. So I read it.

It immediately grabbed me with the contrast of fascinating hostage negotiations and the underlying idea of truly listening to the person you are talking to. Certainly I learned concepts that are going to be helpful in intentional listening and thoughtful communications.

My mind was blown by the last chapter - The Black Swan - as I remembered a conversation that had completely failed in a way I'd never experienced precisely because it was a Black Swan. Very enlightening and something I hope I have learned from for the future.

Collecting the Tree

Father and son with their dog collecting a tree in the forest,
painting by Franz Krüger (1797–1857)

Catholic Cartoons by Joshua Masterson

Experience the amusing, chaotic, and sacred moments in Fr. Otto's daily life and parish in this inaugural Catholic Cartoon collection, beautifully illustrated by Joshua Masterson (@the catholic cartoonist).

The cartoons were gently amusing, a la Family Circus. And I sometimes found myself laughing out loud. Recommended for light amusement. There are 2 volumes now.

Santa and The Print Collector

Santa and The Print Collector
by Santa Classics

Perusing my back files, I rediscovered Santa Classics. Ed Wheeler, an artist and photographer, shows Santa entering into great artistic masterpieces. Somehow he pulls this off both with humor and reverence for the originals. Drop by and take a look around!

An Advent Reflection on the Child Who Made His Mother

Of every other child that is born into the world, friends can say that it resembles his mother. This was the first instance in time that anyone could say that the mother resembled the Child. This is the beautiful paradox of the Child Who made His mother; the mother, too was only a child. It was also the first time in the history of this world that anyone could ever think of heaven as being anywhere else than "somewhere up there"; when the Child was in her arms, Mary now looked down to Heaven ...

Life of Christ by Fulton J. Sheen

Beautiful.

Space Opera Gold: Agent of Change, Carpe Diem, Plan B, I Dare

Right now, I'm having a blast working my way back through my favorite space opera series, set in the Liaden Universe. They have one cliff hanger after another, an imaginative universe, and the series doesn't let you down through the entire storyline.

To give you a brief idea of where these books begin, here's a good summary from an Amazon review by a fan:

Val Con yos'Phelium, undercover agent of change (aka spy), was just doing a routine mission on some backwater planet in the middle of the universe when his life changed. After completing his mission, he encountered a small spitfire of a woman and saved her life, for which she promptly repaid him by bashing his head in. When Val Con woke up, the spitfire dumped him, but Val Con was intrigued, so he followed her and saved her life again. Now Miri Robertson, whose life he had saved twice, was forced to deal with Val Con, honor demanded it. She was intrigued by Val Con, whom she nicknamed "Tough Guy", but definitely didn't want a partner. As a former mercenary and bodyguard, she could handle herself and, as a target for the powerful Juntavas crime ring, she couldn't trust anyone...

However, both Val Con and Miri, both of whom were used to working alone, soon found that they worked well as partners. At least they would if Miri would stop trying to ditch Val Con at every opportunity. Val Con knew that Miri was something special, she made him feel things that he hadn't felt in years, she made him feel alive again. Miri didn't know what was wrong with Val Con, but she knew it had something to do with what he called The Loop, some kind of brain implant that gave him the odds of success on every mission/action he made. As they grew closer together, both Val Con and Miri realized that the Department of the Interior, who had trained Val Con as an agent, must have some ulterior motive in plan. But in order to find out what it was, they had to stay alive...

In order, the books I'm reading are below. Links go to my reviews on Goodreads.

• Agent of Change
• Carpe Diem
• Plan B
• I Dare

I'm not as big a fan of Conflict of Honors which precedes the above books. However, I realized that I can't really recall it so am rereading. 

I am a fan of the two prequels to the above series.

• Local Custom (Shan's parents' story)
  
• Scout's Progress (about Val Con's parents) ... My review is simple: "Space opera gold." You can hear a sample of Scout's Progress when I featured it as an author excerpt at Forgotten Classics.
  

I encountered these when they were first being released. Since then, authors Sharon Lee and Steve Miller were discovered by many readers who became avid fans. They went on to write tons of Liaden books, but my favorites are the ones above. Dive in and enjoy!

Titan Travel Poster

Titan
from NASA's Visions of the Future collection

Frigid and alien, yet similar to our own planet billions of years ago, Saturn's largest moon, Titan, has a thick atmosphere, organic-rich chemistry and a surface shaped by rivers and lakes of liquid ethane and methane. Cold winds sculpt vast regions of hydrocarbon-rich dunes. There may even be cryovolcanoes of cold liquid water. NASA's Cassini orbiter was designed to peer through Titan's perpetual haze and unravel the mysteries of this planet-like moon.

I really love these posters. Imagination, art, and science!

Scott and Julie join the circus and are happy to have a crowd of new friends. What does this have to do with Christmas?

 Listen to Episode 369: Freaks (1932) and find out!

Do not be shy of the contest ...

Do not be shy of the contest, if you truly love the prize. Let knowledge of the reward set the mind on fire to accomplish the work. What we desire, and wish for, and seek, will be hereafter; but what we were ordered to do, for the sake of that which will be hereafter, must be now.

St. Augustine

I need to be reminded of this, of the big picture instead of getting bogged down by the worries of the moment. God's bigger picture does set my heart on fire. I need to let those flames drive me toward him and his work.

Nativity on Japanese Christmas Card

Nativity on a Japanese Christmas Card via J.R.'s Art Place

The Nativity as depicted on a Japanese Christmas card, from the collections of the Marian Library at the University of Dayton, Ohio. Isn't this great? I especially love finding Christian art as depicted by different cultures.

Art: Miracle on 34th Street

Miracle on 34th Street. Valentine Davies.
via Books and Art

Now that's a gorgeous cover — the sort they don't make these days.

Advent Meditation: Prayer While Shopping During Advent

I try to keep this in mind when battling the crowds, looking for that hard-to-find toy, or viewing with astonishment that person who snapped up the parking place I'd clearly been waiting for. It helps me focus on the right reason for shopping, keeping perspective, and keeping my eyes on Christ.

Prayer While Shopping During Advent
(source)

Dear God, as I look through my gift shopping list,
I hold up to you each person listed on it.
Slowly, one by one,
I ask that the fire of your abundant love burn within each of them.
I pray that the gift I find for each person
will bring joy into that life.

But, help me to keep a balance this season, Lord.
Let me keep my buying in perspective,
not to spend more than I need to or can afford.
Let me not give in to the pressures of this world
and not equate love with money spent.
Let me always remember the many, many people
who have so much less in material things.

And finally, loving God,
help me to find time in the frantic moments of each day
to become centered on you.
Walking through a store,
riding on the bus,
hurrying down a street:
let each of these times be moments
when I can remember your incredible love for me
and rejoice in it.

Amen.

St. Lucy's Day

"Saint Lucy's Day" by Carl Larsson, 1908

 

When I came across this image I had to share it ... and let us all know that it is St. Lucy's Day.

I've never paid much attention to St. Lucy beyond a casual knowledge of her connection to light and that she is venerated especially in Scandinavian countries. And of the custom of wearing candles for a breakfast celebration, which is illustrated in a lovely fashion in this painting.

Lucy's feast is on 13 December, in Advent. Her feast once coincided with the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year, before calendar reforms, so her feast day has become a festival of light.

This is particularly seen in Scandinavian countries, with their long dark winters. There, a young girl dressed in a white dress and a red sash (as the symbol of martyrdom) carries palms and wears a crown or wreath of candles on her head. In Denmark, Norway and Sweden, girls dressed as Lucy carry rolls and cookies in procession as songs are sung. It is said that to vividly celebrate St. Lucy's Day will help one live the long winter days with enough light.

Wikipedia

Detail from Mesa

Although this post praising Lines and Colors is old, the point is not. I still love that blog and am happy every time there's a new post.

Detail from Mesa, Jan Davidsz de Heem
via Lines and Colors

One of the things I love about Lines and Colors is the way that Charley Parker will sometimes choose a single painting and then pull out details that make it possible for me to better appreciate the artist.

This is one such case because I am not, as a rule, drawn to still life paintings but the different details highlighted made me view the work with new eyes. Swing by there to see what I mean.

The Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe

This my annual post about Our Lady of Guadalupe. I usually am not especially interested in one visitation of Mary more than another, but there is something about Our Lady of Guadalupe that captures my attention. It is all the concrete symbolism that can be seen. Be sure to check out all the links. There is some fantastic information in those places.

MEMORIAL

The Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to Juan Diego on Tepayac hill near Mexico City on the 9th of December 1531 to ask for the construction of a church there in her honour. After the miraculous cure of his uncle, Bernardo, this Indian peasant brought to his Bishop some roses that he received from Our Lady as a sign of her request. As the flowers fell from his cloak to the ground before the astonished Prelate, the image of the blessed virgin, which is venerated in the Basilica of Guadalupe to this day, was miraculously impressed on the simple garment before their eyes.

In Conversation With God Vol 7: Feast Days, July-December

There is so much in that image that speaks to Catholic hearts through symbolism.

However, there is much more to Our Lady of Guadalupe's image than that. As with all good Catholic images there is abundant symbolism that was specifically designed to speak to the hearts of the people to whom she brought her message ... the Aztecs. I remember when our priest put out a flyer about this and I was just knocked out at how meaningful every single thing in the image is. I really like this explanation.

The miraculous image produced on the apron or tilma of Blessed Juan Diego is rich in symbolism. The aureole or luminous light surrounding the Lady is reminiscent of the "woman clothed with the sun" of Rev. 12:1. The light is also a sign of the power of God who has sanctified and blessed the one who appears. The rays of the sun would also be recognized by the native people as a symbol of their highest god, Huitzilopochtli. Thus, the lady comes forth hiding but not extinguishing the power of the sun. She is now going to announce the God who is greater than their sun god.

The Lady is standing upon the moon. Again, the symbolism is that of the woman of Rev. 12:1 who has the "moon under her feet". The moon for the Meso-Americans was the god of the night. By standing on the moon, she shows that she is more powerful than the god of darkness. However, in Christian iconography the crescent moon under the Madonna's feet is usually a symbol of her perpetual virginity, and sometimes it can refer to her Immaculate Conception or Assumption.

The eyes of Our lady of Guadalupe are looking down with humility and compassion. This was a sign to the native people that she was not a god since in their iconography the gods stare straight ahead with their eyes wide open. We can only imagine how tenderly her eyes looked upon Blessed Juan Diego when she said: " Do not be troubled or weighed down with grief -- Am I not here who am your Mother?"

The angel supporting the Lady testifies to her royalty. To the Meso-American Indians only kings, queens and other dignitaries would be carried on the shoulders of someone. The angel is transporting the Lady to the people as a sign that a new age has come.

The mantle of the Lady is blue-green or turquoise. To the native people, this was the color of the gods and of royalty. It was also the color of the natural forces of life and fecundity. In Christian art, blue is symbolic of eternity and immortality. In Judaism, it was the color of the robe of the high priest. The limbus or gold border of her mantle is another sign of nobility.

The stars on the Lady's mantle shows that she comes from heaven. She comes as the Queen of Heaven but with the eyes of a humble and loving mother. The stars also are a sign of the supernatural character of the image. The research of Fr. Mario Rojas Sanchez and Dr. Juan Homero Hernandez Illescas of Mexico (published in 1983) shows that the stars on the Lady's mantle in the image are exactly as the stars of the winter solstice appeared before dawn on the morning of December 12, 1531.

The color of the Madonna's dress is rose or pale-red. Some have interpreted this as the color of dawn symbolizing the beginning of a new era. Others point to the red as a sign of martyrdom for the faith and divine love.

The gold-encircled cross brooch under the neck of the Lady's robe is a symbol of sanctity.

The girdle or bow around her waist is a sign of her virginity, but it also has several other meanings. The bow appears as a four-petaled flower. To the native Indians this was the nahui ollin, the flower of the sun, a symbol of plenitude. The cross-shaped flower was also connected with the cross-sticks which produce fire. For them, this was the symbol of fecundity and new life. The high position of the bow and the slight swelling of the abdomen show that the Lady is "with child". According to Dr. Carlos Fernandez Del Castillo, a leading Mexican obstetrician, the Lady appears almost ready to give birth with the infant head down resting vertically. This would further solidify her identification with the woman of Rev. 12 who is about to give birth.

Our Lady of Guadalupe, Mother and Patroness of the Unborn,
1999 Office of Respect Life – Diocese of Austin

Read about this apparition of Our Lady in more depth at Catholic Culture.

Here is yet another point about the symbolism in an article by Bishop Olmsted, which is sadly no longer available online from The Catholic Sun where it first appeared. I have never seen the symbolism mentioned anywhere else.

Nine heart-shaped flower blossoms decorate the tunic worn by Our Lady of Guadalupe, surrounding her hands, which are gently folded in prayer. This artistic technique told the Native peoples that the Virgin Mary was holding hearts in her maternal hands, protecting them from harm. This image mesmerized them as they gazed with awe and wonder at the sight. It filled them with new hope at a time when they teetered on the edge of despair. Why?

Hearts, they had thought, were what you offered to the gods in order to restore harmony in the world. In their own practice of human sacrifice, hearts were torn out of victims, usually enemies captured in battle, and then offered as a peace offering. But that effort to win peace with their “gods” had failed to save them from defeat by the Conquistadors. Worse, after the conquest, they no longer knew how to pray or even to whom to pray.

But then, Our Lady of Guadalupe came to them, gently holding their hearts in her hands. Harmony, they realized, was again possible! Her hands held their hearts just above the divine Child in her womb, the One whose Sacred Heart conquers violence and restores peace to the world.

The Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico City. Read about the structure in a wonderful post at Mexico Bob

Be sure also to check out this fantastic book Our Lady of Guadalupe: Mother of the Civilization of Love. It is chock full of good information about more symbolism and how Our Lady of Guadalupe relates to our lives today.