Anguished English: Headline Howlers

XRAYS OF DEAN'S HEAD REVEAL NOTHING

MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE

NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP

ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS

ARSON SUSPECT IS HELD IN MASSACHUSETTS FIRE

BRITISH UNION FINDS DWARFS IN SHORT SUPPLY

KIDNEY PATIENTS TO GO ON THEIR OWN

More Anguished English

You Are Embarrassing the Angels

"You are embarrassing the angels." This is what I intend to say for the next 40 days whenever I see someone who is hurting the culture, hurting human dignity, denying the stature of a human being. I mean to say it with belief, with an eye to instruction, but also pointedly, uncompromisingly. As a lady would. All invited to join in.

Read Peggy Noonan's article

I will be joining in. Pass it on.

The Anchoress ably expands on this theme. Amen, sistah! Preach it.

UPDATE
Laura H. has some actual info about angels (as opposed to that "in the news" stuff featured in this post). Check it out.

A Tale of Two Priests

-from In Conversation with God

The person who abandons mortification is inevitably ensnared by his sense and becomes incapable of any supernatural thought.

Those are some really tough words--but they aren't so difficult as you might imagine if you really understand what mortification is. Mortification is the abanonment of self in the spirit of self-denial and self-sacrifice in the service of another and in the love of God. When you put up with Ms. Whiny-voice and even welcome her into your home or office, you are excerising the spirit of mortification. When you eat less of what you would like, or allow your children to have the last piece of whatever, you are in the spirit of mortification. The possibility of mortification is pervasive, we need merely reach out to touch it and take advantage of it. We mature in our faith through self-denial and little sacrifices.

Steven Riddle

Our parish priest talked about the public nature of wearing ashes and how it reflects what is in our hearts. He talked about sin. Talked about how it became unfashionable in religion a few years ago to talk about sin, to talk about responsibility, to talk about the state of our souls. He pointed out that each one of us is partially responsible for the sin in the world; partially responsible for the arrogance, the hate, the ugliness that is in the world because of our own sin and our own actions. This is a time to look that personal sin in the face and see where God wants to take us.

It made me think of earlier in the week at a prayer group when he talked about Jesus being driven into the desert by the Spirit. He said that the desert is a hard place, a scary place. We don't want to go, we have to be driven, but it is where we need to be ... and when we are there we can know God.

“You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.”

“Trying is the first step to failure”

“If at first you don't succeed, give up.”

Homer Simpson

By contrast, Rose was totally disgusted with the high school's priest who talked about how he would fast on Fridays. Then one Friday, after being in a bad mood because of fasting, he got into an argument with someone who had cut in the gas line in front of him. He said that was when he realized that the very thing that was supposed to bring him closer to God ... the fasting ... was not doing any such thing. So he quit fasting ever.

Quit. fasting. ever.

Nice lesson to tell 1,200 high school kids isn't it? Too hard? Give up.

Rose said, "He didn't say anything about being sorry and trying harder. Or even realizing that fasting wasn't the right way for him and looking for another way to get closer to God. He basically just gave every person there permission to never try."

Hannah said, "Well, he did say that if they were smoking then they should think about quitting. Or using alcohol or abusing drugs then they should really think about quitting."

I said, "Think about quitting."

She smiled wryly, "Well, that's because he started that part by saying, 'I can't tell you what to do.' So, yeah, he basically gave every single person there permission to never try anything if it was too hard and that they should think about stopping bad behavior."

Way to go, Father. Homer Simpson would be proud.

What Do We Know About the Bayeux Tapestry?

Evidently not very much.

It isn't from Bayeux (that's the French side of the story we've been given all this time ... it was made in England)

It isn't a tapestry (I've seen it. It's embroidery, y'all.)

It isn't celebrating King William's glorious victory over the English (evidently there are layers upon layers of secret info that actually are dissing King William!)

This and more mind-bending, history-changing info was given to me by Tom last weekend during our lunch date (do we know how to get romantic or what?).

He's reading 1066: The Hidden History In The Bayeux Tapestry and actually this is all a theory, but what an interesting one! I gave him the book for Christmas because when we first went to France, many years ago, he insisted on going to see the Bayeux Tapestry. I'd never heard of it but was fascinated when we finally were at the exhibit.

Among the other fascinating details was that William the Conqueror was the kinda guy who would have made Hitler proud. No one rose against him after he beat King Harold not because they were lackadaisical about who ruled them (which was how I'd always thought of it) but because he had this habit of obliterating little towns who stood against him. It was also the last time that Britain was conquered, which I'd never really thought of (despite William's title which I know he liked better than his previous one, "William the Bastard") because I always knew that William had some claim, however tenuous, to the British throne. However Wiliam's behavior definitely was that of a conqueror.

The English language went underground at that point, which I had heard before, as Norman French became the standard at court and speaking English was forbidden. As English servants waited on Norman courtiers more and more French became incorporated into the English language.

However, what I hadn't really ever thought about were the examples that the author gives to show how the language separation worked, and also how rich English became in synonyms. Animals "on the hoof" (so to speak) were known by their English words while the food when it got to the table was known under the French name. This really struck me when Tom said, "So cow became beef." I suddenly thought, "Boeuf ... which is French for beef."

Cow .... beef (French - boeuf)
Chicken ... poultry (French - poulet)
Sheep ... mutton (French - mouton)
Swine or pig ... pork (French - porc)

If you want to tour the tapestry this site will take you through bit by bit with the story translated.

Want to Know More About Scientology?

Rolling Stone has the scoop from a 9-month investigation. Astounding. I must have read about a third of this very long, but very informative article aloud to Tom.

Question, The Second

Secret Agent Man asks, "A true fast (water only), or the so-called squishy fast that they have these days where you're allowed one big huge meal and a couple of smaller ones??"

My answer is in the comments box. And remember, y'all, we're not here to judge each other ... God is judging our hearts and that is it.

UPDATE
As always, Steven Riddle has good advice for us.

Question, The First

Stella asks, "What's the best Stations of the Cross method/book?"

One person recommended The Way of the Cross by St. Alphonsus Liguori.

Any other recommendations?

Lent

This season was introduced by Pope Felix III in the fourth century. Originally it lasted for thirty-six days, but four days were added in 487 to make up the forty days Our Lord spent in the wilderness. The word "Lent" is taken from "Lenctenid," which is Old English for spring-tide and the Saxon name for March because of the lengthening of the days. As Lent falls in March, it is fittingly named.

Catholic Trivia

I Think They've Worked With Microsoft Before...

Check out this fantastic parody of what would happen if Microsoft packaged the iPod. Maybe you have to be in advertising (or computers) to appreciate it but it's perfect.

Truer Words Were Never Spoken

You Are Blonde Highlights

Men see you as flexible and versatile - you fit in to every situation You've got the inner glow of a blonde, the intensity of a redhead... And the wisdom of a brunette.

How Blonde Are You?

Via Miss Cellania.

A Little Fun for a Sunday Afternoon

Go to The Doctor is In and read his praise of standard poodles. If you aren't interested in reading much, be sure to scroll down and check out the photographic proof of poodle superiority.

Goodbye Sophie Grace

I just found out that little Sophie who was born to a family that embraced life despite doctors' urgings to do otherwise, died on February 2.

What a sorrow that must be for this family. What a blessing Sophie had in them, who loved her and cherished her while she was here for that short time.

Please pray for little Sophie's soul and for the peace and grace of God to be with her grieving family.

Lent-ish Links

An examination of conscience from Zenit. Via Holy Fool.

A history lesson on what Lent used to be like. Via Mrs. Darwin.

Doing Nothing or Nothing Doing? from Confessions of a Hot Carmel Sundae isn't precisely Lent oriented I suppose except that as I have exactly the opposite nature it made me begin thinking about what God wanted me to do ... which translated into Lenten thinking.

How the Seven Deadly Sins All Start From Good Things by TO. Another that isn't specifically for Lent but I found quite it made a good contribution toward pondering what to keep an eye on in my life and, specifically, in terms of Lenten practices. You might like it that way too.

What Would We Do Without Dick Cheney to Laugh At?

Some hilarious stuff is popping up.

Quail Hunting School: the game that trains you for quail hunting. Thanks to Alex for this one.

White House Had Prior Knowledge Of Cheney Threat: the Onion is working their usual irreverent magic.

In a Presidential Daily Briefing given to Bush in August 2005, the CIA warned that the vice president was a potent threat to the senior population at large, and in particular "possessed the capabilities and intentions to spray a senior citizen with projectiles fired from a shotgun or other weapon." A second brief identified the population at risk as those "between 70 and 80 years of age," and warned that the vice president posed the greatest threat to "seniors in close proximity to the vice president when he is armed."

And this cartoon: Day by Day.

Back to Basics: Getting to Heaven

The only thing that really matters in life is getting to Heaven.

Among all the achievements of our life only one thing is really crucial. It is attaining the goal — Heaven — set for us by God. We must be ready to give up everything, if necessary, to achieve this goal. We must also be ready to set aside anything that even gets in the way of our achieving it, no matter how valuable or appealing it may seem. Everything else has to be subjected to that one supreme objective in our life — possessing God. If anything becomes an obstacle rather than an aid to this end, then we must be prepared either to set things straight or to put the obstacle aside completely. Eternal salvation — our own or our neighbor's — comes first. Our Lord tells us so in the Gospel of the Mass (Mark 9:40-49): If thy hand is an occasion of sin to thee, cut it off! ... And if thy foot is an occasion of sin to thee, cut it off! ... And if thine eye is an occasion of sin to thee, cut it off! ... It is better to enter into the kingdom of Heaven maimed, lame or lacking an eye, than being physically sound to be cast into hellfire, where their worm dies not, and the fire is not quenched. It is better to lose something as necessary as one's hand, one's foot or one's eye than to lose Heaven, which is our supreme good, implying as it does the beatific vision of God for all eternity. How much truer this is, if, as is usually the case, what we need to put aside with no more than a bit of determination on our part is something that would otherwise not result in any significant harm to us....

Often the obstacles we have to set aside will not be tremendously significant ones. In the life of a Christian who is striving to please God in all things, this will usually be the case. What will have to be set aside and cut out are our minor whims and preferences. We shall take prudent steps to correct small breaches of temperance where Our Lord asks us to mortify our temper or our moods, to overcome any excessive concern we may have about our health or comfort ... All of these more or less habitual failings need very much to be taken into account, even though they may not be ore than venial sins. They slow our pace and can trip us up — or worse: they can gradually lead to or bring about more serious falls.

If our struggle is generous, if our goal in life is clear in our sight, we will be decisive not to say ruthless, in striving to correct these situations so that they cease to be obstacles and are turned into advantages. This is what Our Lord often did with his Apostles. From Peter's hot-headed impetuosity He formed solid rock on which He would build his Church. From the vehement impatience of John and James (who He dubbed sons of thunder) He fashioned the apostolic zeal of untiring preachers. From Thomas' skepticism he molded a strikingly articulate testimony to his divinity. What has been previously a crippling liability becomes a powerful asset.

In Conversation with God: Ordinary Time, Weeks 13-23)

Can you tell I've been thinking about Lent? Actually Lent really began coming to mind a couple of days ago, so that's a week ahead. Just about the right timing for me to mentally prepare for the blessings that God will bring from this time. Despite my preference for Ordinary Time I treasure all the seasons that God gives us and Lent is no different.

First is this period of self-examination, where we contemplate the time to come, remember our ultimate goal (as stated above), and then ask where God wants us to go in order that we may meet Him more fully.

In my case, I have a pretty good feeling that it calls for some giving up and adding on.

Giving up: mortification of the flesh (which would be giving up dessert).

Adding on: focusing on "back to the basics" in my life (which means sticking to my daily schedule properly). A daily schedule may not sound like much but it can mean the difference between laziness and prayer time, between selfishness and serving my family through a clean house and nice meal on the table.

I'll also be contributing to a Lenten prayer blog which is an amazing ecumenical project begun by a couple of bloggers who want to truly celebrate Lent fully. There are around twenty people who will be sharing their prayers throughout Lent and I fully expect that I will be blessed by their prayers much more than I will be contributing any of my own. However, be that as it may, please drop by often as no one seems to be waiting for Ash Wednesday and are popping in to introduce themselves and often say a prayer or two.

More later about the books I'll be reading.

Litany of Blog Humility

I see that last year, after the Catholic Blog Awards ended, I also posted The Curt Jester's brilliant Litany of Blog Humility. Not only does it make you laugh but any bloggers reading it know how very true and necessary it is ... so it is a true Litany of Humility after all.

St. Jerome's image also thanks to The Curt Jester. What would St. Blog's do without The Curt Jester? I don't even want to think about it. Thanks Jeff!

The Litany of Blog Humility

From the desire of my blog being read
Deliver me dear Jesus

From the desire of my blog being praised
Deliver me dear Jesus

From the fear of my blog being despised
Deliver me dear Jesus

From the fear of my blog being forgotten
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

From the fear of no page views
Deliver me dear Jesus

That other blogs may be loved more than mine
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That Nihil Obstat may find all my grammatical and spelling errors
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That Google may never list my blog
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That comments always be negative and abusive
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That my commenting system always say "commenting temporarily unavailable"
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That Mark Shea may notice every blog but mine
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That others may be pithier than I, provided that I may become as pithy as I should
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it




St. Jerome, pray for us.

Out of Sight, But Not Out of Mind

Also inadvertently overlooked in updating my blogroll and presently to be found in the "New to Happy Catholic" section. Not that I've been a little scattered lately or anything. Sorry Jay!

Pro Ecclesia*Pro Familia*Pro Civitate

It's Official! And I'd Like to Thank the Academy ...

I had so much fun with those blog awards and I hope that y'all did too! Certainly everybody was quite gracious in letting me talk about that darned egg so much. Thanks y'all!

Amy Welborn showed what a lady she is by not flogging the vote at all. We all know that if she was even half as shameless as I was in getting the vote out ... well, the term "crushing victory" would have a new definition. As Der Tommissar said, "Someone in Vegas just made a ton of money on that one." The sheer excitement I felt in seeing our blog votes come even to each other couldn't have been matched. (Yes, that's how very sad and void of real forms of entertainment my life can be ... and still I'm happy! I'm not going to dwell on that right now.)

Josh LeBlanc deserves a huge thanks from everyone ... and if that was expressed by helping with bandwidth costs via PayPal (check at the bottom of the votes page) I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

For those who wanted things changed with the awards please do go to the forums that Joshua set up. There are some very good suggestions being made and that's the perfect place to have ideas mulled over for practicality and fairness.

Seeing some of the response around St. Blogs makes me more convinced than ever that the Catholic Blog Awards are not just fun, they also are a valuable litmus test for humility and sense of proportion. I continue to think that Owen nailed it with this:

If Catholic bloggers complain about their awards now, one can only imagine what it's gonna be like at the General Judgment. Sheesh, hope St. Peter's got big ear plugs. And, one is afraid to imagine what kind of witness they are providing in the mean time; mean being the byword.

luminous miseries

Speaking of new categories ... this has convinced me that there really needs to be a category for best acceptance of an award. (And while you're at it, don't miss this candidate for best awards wrap-up post.)

UPDATE
The Curt Jester has a nice summary of winners. I agree with his analogy that voting this year was like Sophie's Choice ... it's practically impossible to choose one over the other from among so many great blogs.

Catholic Trivia

This is a charming British book which traces the often forgotten Catholic origins of common sayings, customs, and traditions. I believe I saw it recommended by Ten Reasons. I'll be sharing some of the trivia on the way. Just keep in mind that the British origin makes some of the references a little puzzling every so often.

The holy number thirteen

An interesting survival of Catholic days is the religious significance attached to the number thirteen, in spite of the efforts of the Reformers to stamp out the tradition by calling the number unlucky. The model in men's minds from quite early times seems to have been our Divine Lord and the twelve Apostles, and this number of thirteen was copied in all kinds of ways. For example, if a benefactor wanted to found some almshouses (or a hospital, as almshouses were often called), as a rule, thirteen of them would be built. Thus Hugh II, Abbot of Reading, founded a hospital for thirteen poor men and thirteen poor women, about the year 1190. The Herald's College in London which was founded by Richard III had (and still has) thirteen members. Catherine of Braganza, wife of Charles II, brought a body of Portuguese Franciscans to London in 1662, the community consisting of a Father Guardian and twelve friars. A "baker's dozen" consisted of thirteen loaves or cakes, and there was legislation connected with this custom.

But an interesting survival of thirteen being regarded as a lucky number is to be found in the common custom of putting a hen to sit on thirteen eggs. When a sitting of eggs is advertised for sale, the number is always understood to be thirteen. If this number is really unlucky, as has been made out in modern times, are the thirteen eggs put under the hen a bad omen? Surely this is for good luck. The interesting thing about this old custom, with its religious tinge, is that it should have come down to us intact all the way from our Catholic past. And it shows also how deeply matters connected with religion, in however small a way, entered into the daily life of our forefathers.

UPDATE
Louise adds to our thirteen knowledge with this info. How cool is this? Very.

In the making of icons, 13 thins layers of plaster are painted on the wooden board, and this is what the image is painted on.

Also, every colour you mix when painting an icon, must have a minimum of three clours in it - for the Trinity.

Wow.

I ... uh ...

Well, Sigmund, Carl and Alfred has done it.

I was so pleased to be asked interview questions and was knew that was coming. However, reading the extremely generous and kind introduction (are you sure you had the right blog in mind?) has humbled me extremely ...

... and even left me (relatively) speechless.

Go see.

Wow.

I owe you, Siggy. Three batches of Cinnamon Buns from Heaven comin' up.