What Would We Do Without Dick Cheney to Laugh At?

Some hilarious stuff is popping up.

Quail Hunting School: the game that trains you for quail hunting. Thanks to Alex for this one.

White House Had Prior Knowledge Of Cheney Threat: the Onion is working their usual irreverent magic.

In a Presidential Daily Briefing given to Bush in August 2005, the CIA warned that the vice president was a potent threat to the senior population at large, and in particular "possessed the capabilities and intentions to spray a senior citizen with projectiles fired from a shotgun or other weapon." A second brief identified the population at risk as those "between 70 and 80 years of age," and warned that the vice president posed the greatest threat to "seniors in close proximity to the vice president when he is armed."

And this cartoon: Day by Day.

Back to Basics: Getting to Heaven

The only thing that really matters in life is getting to Heaven.

Among all the achievements of our life only one thing is really crucial. It is attaining the goal — Heaven — set for us by God. We must be ready to give up everything, if necessary, to achieve this goal. We must also be ready to set aside anything that even gets in the way of our achieving it, no matter how valuable or appealing it may seem. Everything else has to be subjected to that one supreme objective in our life — possessing God. If anything becomes an obstacle rather than an aid to this end, then we must be prepared either to set things straight or to put the obstacle aside completely. Eternal salvation — our own or our neighbor's — comes first. Our Lord tells us so in the Gospel of the Mass (Mark 9:40-49): If thy hand is an occasion of sin to thee, cut it off! ... And if thy foot is an occasion of sin to thee, cut it off! ... And if thine eye is an occasion of sin to thee, cut it off! ... It is better to enter into the kingdom of Heaven maimed, lame or lacking an eye, than being physically sound to be cast into hellfire, where their worm dies not, and the fire is not quenched. It is better to lose something as necessary as one's hand, one's foot or one's eye than to lose Heaven, which is our supreme good, implying as it does the beatific vision of God for all eternity. How much truer this is, if, as is usually the case, what we need to put aside with no more than a bit of determination on our part is something that would otherwise not result in any significant harm to us....

Often the obstacles we have to set aside will not be tremendously significant ones. In the life of a Christian who is striving to please God in all things, this will usually be the case. What will have to be set aside and cut out are our minor whims and preferences. We shall take prudent steps to correct small breaches of temperance where Our Lord asks us to mortify our temper or our moods, to overcome any excessive concern we may have about our health or comfort ... All of these more or less habitual failings need very much to be taken into account, even though they may not be ore than venial sins. They slow our pace and can trip us up — or worse: they can gradually lead to or bring about more serious falls.

If our struggle is generous, if our goal in life is clear in our sight, we will be decisive not to say ruthless, in striving to correct these situations so that they cease to be obstacles and are turned into advantages. This is what Our Lord often did with his Apostles. From Peter's hot-headed impetuosity He formed solid rock on which He would build his Church. From the vehement impatience of John and James (who He dubbed sons of thunder) He fashioned the apostolic zeal of untiring preachers. From Thomas' skepticism he molded a strikingly articulate testimony to his divinity. What has been previously a crippling liability becomes a powerful asset.

In Conversation with God: Ordinary Time, Weeks 13-23)

Can you tell I've been thinking about Lent? Actually Lent really began coming to mind a couple of days ago, so that's a week ahead. Just about the right timing for me to mentally prepare for the blessings that God will bring from this time. Despite my preference for Ordinary Time I treasure all the seasons that God gives us and Lent is no different.

First is this period of self-examination, where we contemplate the time to come, remember our ultimate goal (as stated above), and then ask where God wants us to go in order that we may meet Him more fully.

In my case, I have a pretty good feeling that it calls for some giving up and adding on.

Giving up: mortification of the flesh (which would be giving up dessert).

Adding on: focusing on "back to the basics" in my life (which means sticking to my daily schedule properly). A daily schedule may not sound like much but it can mean the difference between laziness and prayer time, between selfishness and serving my family through a clean house and nice meal on the table.

I'll also be contributing to a Lenten prayer blog which is an amazing ecumenical project begun by a couple of bloggers who want to truly celebrate Lent fully. There are around twenty people who will be sharing their prayers throughout Lent and I fully expect that I will be blessed by their prayers much more than I will be contributing any of my own. However, be that as it may, please drop by often as no one seems to be waiting for Ash Wednesday and are popping in to introduce themselves and often say a prayer or two.

More later about the books I'll be reading.

Litany of Blog Humility

I see that last year, after the Catholic Blog Awards ended, I also posted The Curt Jester's brilliant Litany of Blog Humility. Not only does it make you laugh but any bloggers reading it know how very true and necessary it is ... so it is a true Litany of Humility after all.

St. Jerome's image also thanks to The Curt Jester. What would St. Blog's do without The Curt Jester? I don't even want to think about it. Thanks Jeff!

The Litany of Blog Humility

From the desire of my blog being read
Deliver me dear Jesus

From the desire of my blog being praised
Deliver me dear Jesus

From the fear of my blog being despised
Deliver me dear Jesus

From the fear of my blog being forgotten
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

From the fear of no page views
Deliver me dear Jesus

That other blogs may be loved more than mine
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That Nihil Obstat may find all my grammatical and spelling errors
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That Google may never list my blog
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That comments always be negative and abusive
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That my commenting system always say "commenting temporarily unavailable"
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That Mark Shea may notice every blog but mine
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That others may be pithier than I, provided that I may become as pithy as I should
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it




St. Jerome, pray for us.

Out of Sight, But Not Out of Mind

Also inadvertently overlooked in updating my blogroll and presently to be found in the "New to Happy Catholic" section. Not that I've been a little scattered lately or anything. Sorry Jay!

Pro Ecclesia*Pro Familia*Pro Civitate

It's Official! And I'd Like to Thank the Academy ...

I had so much fun with those blog awards and I hope that y'all did too! Certainly everybody was quite gracious in letting me talk about that darned egg so much. Thanks y'all!

Amy Welborn showed what a lady she is by not flogging the vote at all. We all know that if she was even half as shameless as I was in getting the vote out ... well, the term "crushing victory" would have a new definition. As Der Tommissar said, "Someone in Vegas just made a ton of money on that one." The sheer excitement I felt in seeing our blog votes come even to each other couldn't have been matched. (Yes, that's how very sad and void of real forms of entertainment my life can be ... and still I'm happy! I'm not going to dwell on that right now.)

Josh LeBlanc deserves a huge thanks from everyone ... and if that was expressed by helping with bandwidth costs via PayPal (check at the bottom of the votes page) I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

For those who wanted things changed with the awards please do go to the forums that Joshua set up. There are some very good suggestions being made and that's the perfect place to have ideas mulled over for practicality and fairness.

Seeing some of the response around St. Blogs makes me more convinced than ever that the Catholic Blog Awards are not just fun, they also are a valuable litmus test for humility and sense of proportion. I continue to think that Owen nailed it with this:

If Catholic bloggers complain about their awards now, one can only imagine what it's gonna be like at the General Judgment. Sheesh, hope St. Peter's got big ear plugs. And, one is afraid to imagine what kind of witness they are providing in the mean time; mean being the byword.

luminous miseries

Speaking of new categories ... this has convinced me that there really needs to be a category for best acceptance of an award. (And while you're at it, don't miss this candidate for best awards wrap-up post.)

UPDATE
The Curt Jester has a nice summary of winners. I agree with his analogy that voting this year was like Sophie's Choice ... it's practically impossible to choose one over the other from among so many great blogs.

Catholic Trivia

This is a charming British book which traces the often forgotten Catholic origins of common sayings, customs, and traditions. I believe I saw it recommended by Ten Reasons. I'll be sharing some of the trivia on the way. Just keep in mind that the British origin makes some of the references a little puzzling every so often.

The holy number thirteen

An interesting survival of Catholic days is the religious significance attached to the number thirteen, in spite of the efforts of the Reformers to stamp out the tradition by calling the number unlucky. The model in men's minds from quite early times seems to have been our Divine Lord and the twelve Apostles, and this number of thirteen was copied in all kinds of ways. For example, if a benefactor wanted to found some almshouses (or a hospital, as almshouses were often called), as a rule, thirteen of them would be built. Thus Hugh II, Abbot of Reading, founded a hospital for thirteen poor men and thirteen poor women, about the year 1190. The Herald's College in London which was founded by Richard III had (and still has) thirteen members. Catherine of Braganza, wife of Charles II, brought a body of Portuguese Franciscans to London in 1662, the community consisting of a Father Guardian and twelve friars. A "baker's dozen" consisted of thirteen loaves or cakes, and there was legislation connected with this custom.

But an interesting survival of thirteen being regarded as a lucky number is to be found in the common custom of putting a hen to sit on thirteen eggs. When a sitting of eggs is advertised for sale, the number is always understood to be thirteen. If this number is really unlucky, as has been made out in modern times, are the thirteen eggs put under the hen a bad omen? Surely this is for good luck. The interesting thing about this old custom, with its religious tinge, is that it should have come down to us intact all the way from our Catholic past. And it shows also how deeply matters connected with religion, in however small a way, entered into the daily life of our forefathers.

UPDATE
Louise adds to our thirteen knowledge with this info. How cool is this? Very.

In the making of icons, 13 thins layers of plaster are painted on the wooden board, and this is what the image is painted on.

Also, every colour you mix when painting an icon, must have a minimum of three clours in it - for the Trinity.

Wow.

I ... uh ...

Well, Sigmund, Carl and Alfred has done it.

I was so pleased to be asked interview questions and was knew that was coming. However, reading the extremely generous and kind introduction (are you sure you had the right blog in mind?) has humbled me extremely ...

... and even left me (relatively) speechless.

Go see.

Wow.

I owe you, Siggy. Three batches of Cinnamon Buns from Heaven comin' up.

If I Were a Haiku Writer...

... like Holy Fool or Idle Mendacity or others I know then I'd have a lovely little three line way to say ...

Woke up this morning
Head pounding
Sinus headache BAM!

But instead I'll just say that the mega-dose of aspirin has kicked in and I now am running to catch up to my regular day.

(Too little of that banned substance Drixoral plus staying up to watch Ladies' Figure Skating makes a bad mixture.)

In the meantime, everybody has the story about the Pope naming the new cardinals. Here are a coupla good spots for a quick read:

• Catholic Outsider has the list with some commentary.
• American Papist, one of my favorite new discoveries of the blog awards, is making sure we can recognize them on the street with links and photos in First Reactions, Faces to Names, Part 1 and Faces to Names, Part II.

More later, y'all!

Did Anyone Else Think of Disputations ...

... when they saw the Google doodle this morning? I know that Disputations did!

Celebratory Gratuitous Funny List

From my in-box. Thanks, Alex!

Things to do at Wal-Mart while
your friend or parent is taking their sweet time

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.
3. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
4. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.
5. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
6. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.
7. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.
8. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!
9. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!
10. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Whew!

I don't know about y'all, but I was laughing my head off for most of the morning over the Catholic Blog awards voting posts ... yes, I'm easily amused and crack myself up (how's that for open admission?), though my loyal boosters in the comments boxes contributed a lot too. It was sooo muuuuch fuuuunnnn!

Official results will be up tomorrow and thanks for kissing da egg wit' me, mon!

ALSO
I'll put "official" congrats up tomorrow but did want to mention that I was pleased to be so conflicted over who to vote for in so many categories ... what a lot of quality blogs are out there. Lucky us to get to read them.

If you haven't checked out all the nominated blogs be sure to work your way through them. I have discovered several excellent ones I never heard of before this awards contest.

According to My Campaign Manager ...

... if you don't kiss da egg now, mon, you're kissing my chances goodbye!

Just a half hour left and then I'll quit flogging the vote. Now that's something to be grateful for, right? In your joy and gratitude, go vote, and then I'll shaddup!

We Have a Prime Opportunity Here

Look what Rick Lugari's been driven to.

Can we afford to let this blogging genius waste away for lack of attention?

I say to you all, "NO!" We cannot.

Here I have been flogging the vote for my own selfish purposes when there are those far more worthy and who I would like to see blog far more (yes, Rick, that's a plea for continued blogging). I hang my head in shame and point you to one whose need cries out to us.

The hour is late and the need is dire. Go vote for Rick in Best Presentation and Best Design. I pass the egg to him in his hour of need. Go kiss the egg. Do it for Rick!

(Oh and all the others worthy bloggers he mentions at the bottom of his post. Voting ends at noon. Aren't y'all glad?)

UPDATE: EASY COME, EASY GO
Yikes ... Amy mentioned the awards and so the Best Blog by a Woman levels are beginning to achieve their normal state as her percentage points rise. C'est la vie!

Unless, of course, y'all go vote your little hearts out. :-D

You Know It's One Thing to Flog Books on Your Blog...

... but it really must be sweet to have the Dallas Morning News editorial section do it for you.

You have to have opened the actual newspaper to get the true effect. One page of the editorial section, entirely filled with voting recommendations for upcoming primaries. The opposite side with the top two-thirds filled with Rod Dreher's article musing about that crazy, in-your-face, unpredictable lifestyle of being a conservative who buys organic and wears Birkenstocks ... in his new book, Crunchy Cons. Woah, dude! For real?

If only I didn't know a lot of people like him already (or wasn't one myself ... minus the Birkenstocks) I'd rush right out and buy that book.

The bottom third of the page? Reactions to the book by another (conservative) of the editorial staff who struggled mightily to find anything bad to say. (I mighta been interested in what a liberal had to say about the book but too bad.)

Most people have to pay for that sort of prime newspaper advertising coverage.

Like I said. Sweet.

UPDATE
This is not to say that I don't think the book will be good or that I won't read it (when it gets to our public library) ... it is really to protest giving an entire page of the two available in the newspaper's editorial section to promote his book.

For commentary not done by Dreher himself or co-workers:

• Here is the WSJ's review. They liked it. They really liked it.
• Rachel at Testosterhome also really liked it.

I'm still dying to see a review from someone who is liberal about this. If y'all see one, let me know. Because all the friendly stuff is fine but not telling me anything I don't already know. I wanna see what someone else has to say as well.

Why I Am Going to Read Uncle Tom's Cabin

Because Rose keeps reading me excerpts ... and they all seem so very familiar, so modern, and can be applied far beyond Stowe's concern with slavery. Certainly, they go far beyond my previous exposure to the book which was the play that is put on in The King and I.

"I'm not going to have any of your horrid New England directness, cousin," said St. Claire, gayly. "If I answer that question, I know you'll be at me with half a dozen others, each one harder than the last; and I'm not a going to define my position. I am one of the sort that lives by throwing stones at other people's glass houses, but I never mean to put up one for them to stone."

"That's just the way he's always talking," said Marie; "you can't get any satisfaction out of him. I believe it's just because he don't like religion, that he's always running out in this way he's been doing."

"Religion!" said St. Clare, in a tone that made both ladies look at him. "Religion! Is what you hear at church religion? Is that which can bend and turn, and descend and ascend, to fit every crooked phase of selfish, worldly society, religion? Is that religion which is less scrupulous, less generous, less just, less considerate for man, than even my own ungodly, worldly, blinded nature? No! When I look for a religion, I must look for something above me, and not something beneath."

-----------------

Who does not know how our great men are outdoing themselves, in declaiming against the foreign slave-trade? There are a perfect host of Clarksons and Wilberforces risen up among us on that subject, most edifying to hear and behold. Trading Negroes from Africa, dear reader, is so horrid. It is not to be though of! But trading them from Kentucky — that's quite another thing!

-----------------

"... It's pretty generally understood that men don't aspire after the absolute right, but only to do about as well as the rest of the world. Now, when any one speaks up, like a man, and says slavery is necessary to us, we can't get along without it, we should be beggared if we give it up, and, of course, we mean to hold on to it — this is strong, clear, well-defined language; it has the respectability of truth to it; and if we may judge by their practice, the majority of the world will bear us out in it. But when he begins to put on a long face, and snuffle, and quote Scripture, I incline to think he isn't much better than he should be."

"You are very uncharitable," said Marie.

"Well," said St. Clare, "suppose that something should bring down the price of cotton once and forever, and make the whole slave property a drug in the market, don't you think we should soon have another version of the Scripture doctrine? What a flood of light would pour into the church, all at once, and how immediately it would be discovered that everything in the Bible and reason went the other way!"

The Baltimore Catechism

Love is purified, increased and perfected by suffering. This means not only bodily pain, but crosses of all kinds. God sends everyone all the sufferings they need on earth to cleanse, strengthen, and perfect their love. But most people waste their sufferings. They do not want them, complain about them and try to escape them in every manner possible, even by committing sin. (Baltimore Catechism No. 2 p. 90)

Our priest quotes the Baltimore Catechism quite often, always saying that there "is a lot of good stuff in there." I have begun thinking that I need to lay my hands on a copy and start reading. Then, after seeing the above quote, in a very good post by mum2twelve (yes, go read it!) my desire was solidified into decision. This sort of thing is too good to miss or just have doled out by others. I must obtain a copy and mine these treasures for myself.

I didn't expect to see so many versions though. Any advice? This is the version that looks most likely to me: Baltimore Catechism and Mass No. 3: The Text of the Official Revised Edition 1949 with Summarizations of Doctrine and Study Helps.

Get Your Mensa Hats On

Here's one for the numbers people ...

Our corner grocery prices its food according to the owner's whim. An apple costs 41¢, squash costs 48¢, and a zucchini costs 65¢. According to this system, how much will a tomato cost?

INVISI-SCRIPT ANSWER

51¢ (consonants are worth 7¢; vowels are worth 10¢)

Are They Just Toying With Me?

Moseying back over to the Catholic Blog Awards to see how everyone was doing, I was astounded to see that the Best Blog by a Woman voting was back up ...

... and Y'ALL!

Amy Welborn ... 33.1%
Happy Catholic ... 30.3%

I'm pretty sure this is a dream and when I wake up it will all be back to corrupted data again. But what a nice dream.

Just in case I'm actually awake ... GO VOTE!

An Honor to be Nominated ...

... never had as much meaning as it does now that the Best Blog by a Woman category is closed because the data was corrupted.

I was already over the moon because of the nomination.

And flying even higher because I was within 10 percentage points of Amy Welborn on Saturday. Now that is a real miracle and a real testimony to y'all as dedicated voters which I appreciate so much you don't know.

Now, let me exhort all to vote in Most Informative Blog ... which I must admit I think is an odd category for me to be in but ... what the heck. Who am I to question the nomination? I'm just gonna kiss the egg and go vote!

UPDATE
For all those who had ideas about how to improve the blog awards, and I saw some good ones out there (yes, Elena, I'm talking to you!), Josh has opened a forum for ideas which I think is an excellent idea.

In other news, a forum for the Catholic blog awards has been opened so that we can figure out a way to make them better for next year. One of the rules, however, will be that all suggestions be given in a spirit of charity and good will.

Knit But Not Wit!

I go in and out of knitting frenzies and can tell that I just now am getting ready to launch another. Mostly because I am done knitting that darned poncho (after knitting it once at about triple the size needed!). It was pretty short when I got done but after a good dunking and wet blocking when I PULLED it into shape ... it now looks as if it is drying in an acceptable length. Because this one is GONNA WORK! Or else!

I have never knit socks and for some reason am just dying to knit a pair ... double pointed needles and all! Preferably a striped pair (but I am thinking that would make it way too difficult so will stick to just getting through a pair of them). I have to swing by the yarn store for the double pointed needles and to get advice on the best sort of yarn and then can embark on this new adventure.

Also, I just LOVE knitting cables and want something that won't blow my brain (as I am afraid that the socks will do) so am going to begin knitting a cable sampler scarf.

It is very exciting to be picking out new yarn and looking at patterns.

The problem is that I have knit for years but never anything that was too difficult. So I am starting to ramp up and find challenges which is easy because knitting is so popular now. Before you'd have to struggle just to find patterns sometimes. It's crazy to see how many publications, fun yarns, etc. are out now.

I remember the teacher of a knitting class that I took long, long ago, said that there are two sorts of knitters. Those who give it all away and those who keep it. I give it all away. Not sure why. I just do.

I picked up a copy of Knit.1 which the girls just love. Rose is getting ready to embark on a new knitting adventure because a black sweater with a skull and crossbones on it caught her eye ... and tickled her funny bone. It would be her first venture into knitting something other than scarves or hats so would be challenging. She also was tickled by the interview with a screamo musician who crochets all his own beanie hats. Once on tour it was very cold and when wandering through the nearby Walmart looking for blankets one of the band's guitarists saw yarn and said that they should just make stuff to keep them warm. The guitarist bought a how-to knitting book, needles, and yarn while the subject of the interview bought the same for crochet. And he still crochets to this day. A great story.

I also picked up a copy of Cast On magazine which is the publication of The Knitting Guild Association. The publication had some very good basic articles about several subjects and I liked more of the patterns than I usually would from a knitting magazine. Also the organization sounded interesting with correspondence courses available. Has anyone got any experience with this group?