Monday, February 8, 2010

"I'm not what you expected, but oh, please love me."

I knew the minute I saw her that she had Down Syndrome and nobody else did. I held her and cried. Cried and panned the room to meet eyes with anyone that would tell me she didn't have it. I held her and looked at her like she wasn't my baby and tried to take it in. And all I can remember of these moments is her face. I will never forget my daughter in my arms, opening her eyes over and over...she locked eyes with mine and stared...bore holes into my soul.

Love me. Love me. I'm not what you expected, but oh, please love me.
An absolutely honest and beautiful story about a mother whose baby girl is born with Down Syndrome. It is long but very much worth the time. Much thanks to Margaret for sending me the link.


  1. wow. thanks for sharing.

  2. what a beautiful story, what lovely photos.
    thanks so much for this link.

  3. Amazing.

    One of the good points from this story is how clear it is that, if you're in shock, your emotions and thoughts are not going to be too sensible or even make much impression on your memory. You might be doing a lot better on the outside than you think on the inside. But she got support, she kept trying despite the shock, she got a little sleep -- and eventually her emotions did catch up with her will.

    People aren't used to having emotional tsunamis, so they assume they'll feel bad forever. But of course they won't. They just have to wait it out. (Though you can really see the point behind baby bonding hormones and cuteness features. Sometimes your will needs a little help from animal instinct.)

  4. Excellent points. I have to say that our first child Hannah was a textbook case in being a "difficult" baby (colic, formula allergies, never eating or sleeping on a schedule EVER, etc.) ... God's extremely good planning in making her the most adorable baby ever was more than a little helpful! :-)

  5. What a great story. I printed it off last night and read it to my girls (11 and 8), and we all teared up. Okay, I lied. The girls teared up and I outright cried.

    It was simply beautiful. And, it's another reason why waiting periods are important. Who can think straight with that kind of "tsunami" going on?

    Case in point: In our town (and I'm guessing this is some Virginia thing), when you're ON THE TABLE in the middle of a C-section, you're asked three times a set of three questions. Two seem geared towards making sure you're okay (What's your name? Do you know why you're here? I think are the two), but the third is sinister. "Do you want us to tie your tubes?" Right then, on the table, while they've got you opened up. Right then, when you might be going through a traumatic delivery and not be thinking clearly.

    How many women say yes and regret it later?

  6. Lord have mercy ... on the table? Oy veh! That is terrible!