The perfect dress ...

As I mentioned before, it's the big wedding tonight. Lots of family gatherings at various times of day began on Thursday and will go on through tomorrow (the wedding is tonight at 7:30).

Also work is busy (but it's a good kind of busy) ... and I need to begin recording for the podcast as well as doing some of the work I brought home.

I still feel so very happy about my morning that I don't care, even if I did wake up at 8:10 (darned alarm clock) with an 8:30 appointment to get my hair done (nothing like that adrenaline rush, is there?).

Last night in post-rehearsal-dinner-conversation, around 10:30 Rose and I discovered that we had wildly different ideas about what she should be wearing to the wedding. We were both tired so that led to some teenage stomping ("Fine!") and my despairing thoughts of having to shop for four hours with both of us getting unhappier all the time. Which led to my wholehearted, brief prayer, "Lord, please let us see the perfect dress right away." (All the time wavering between thinking that the good Lord has more to do than find Rose a dress ... and then thinking that He cares about everything doesn't He? I have these conflicts every so often ...)

We got off the escalator at Dillard's today and glancing over at the nice dresses section I pointed at an elegantly simple, gauzy, black creation and said, "Like that dress. It would be good." We checked the price and moved toward Rose's age group clothing. After picking up a top and skirt that would be adequate but not elegant we realized that they would cost as much as that dress. That dress which, of course, fit Rose perfectly as if made just for her. The dress we saw at first glance. Which turned her from a blue-jeaned teenager into an elegant young woman who will wow anyone who sees her.

I'm still conflicted about asking God to find Rose a dress. But it looks as if He just might care enough to have had one ready for her.

"Preach the Gospel Always. If Necessary Use Words"

St. Francis of Assisi spoke those wise words and Jen at "Et tu" confirms them. However, in Jen's case, she went looking for words as her exploration of Christianity consisted of the blogosphere.

So, in typical me fashion, I turned to the internet. I had no idea how one would go about finding blogs by practicing Catholics, so I just Googled stuff like "Catholic mom blog", "Catholic blog", "Christian mom blogs", etc. It took me a while to find what I was looking for, but I finally found a few blogs written by Catholic and other Christian women. I added them to my bookmarks, sat back, and read. I almost never commented. I just quietly watched their lives unfold, like an anthropologist studying a new culture. Almost everything they did was so foreign to me -- they casually mentioned praying about this or that, wrote about the goings on at their churches, discussed how they turned to God in tough times and disappointment, etc. I had never known anyone who did things like this (at least not that they shared with me), so I was fascinated.

I didn't really realize it at the time, but as I would read these blogs, in the back of my mind I always though, "This is what it means to be a Christian" or, "This is what Catholic mothers are like." I didn't exactly intend to hold these authors up as the very definition of their religion, but since I didn't know any other people from their religion they were all I had to go by.

She then goes on in her thoughtful way (which is why her blog is one of my "must reads") to muse about Christian responsibility in blogging to give a good example. Which sets up a good conversation in her comments box about honesty in blogging and other issues.

It made me think of the fact that being a blogger makes me a better Christian. Funny sounding isn't it? But if I can't be honest on the blog then I'm not gonna do it. And I have to live my life in a way I can write about and share. Sadly, this means that when I miss the mark sometimes I do it right here with snarky posts or comments ... and then I've gotta live with that too. Oh, it's so good for my humility!

It also was a great compliment (and humbling) to find out at the end of the post that Happy Catholic was one of those blogs Jen was watching to see what Christians are like. So the other lesson is ... you never know who's watching or why! I read all but one of the other blogs she mentioned and agree that you can honestly see people living their faith there.

Good stuff. Thanks Jen!

A Little More Straight Talk About Mercy

Some more about the quality of mercy from Heaven in Our Hands (review is here). By the way, recently I brought up The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom to some friends and was shocked to hear that none of them had ever heard of this wonderful book. Somehow I thought that every teenager (or teenage girl anyway) went on to it after reading The Diary of Anne Frank. If you haven't read it then check your local library where they are sure to have several copies. It is a moving testimony to the power of God.

Mercy burns up the IOU's of life. It generously forgives debts, even emotional or psychological wounds. Rightly practiced, it never says, "I can forgive anything but that."

Pam Moran, who helped me with this book, provides the following account based on the experience of a Dutch Christian woman, Corrie ten Boom, During the Nazi occupation of Holland, this remarkable woman and her family were sent to Auschwitz because they had hidden Jews in their home. There Corrie soon came to hate the sneering guard who mocked their naked bodies whenever they were taken to the showers.

Corrie watched her sister die in the camp, but she survived and vowed never to return to Germany. Many years later, however, she did return for a speaking engagement. Her first talk centered on the topic of forgiveness: extending the mercy of God to those who have wronged us in some way. To her absolute horror, there, sitting in the audience, was the same guard who had so taunted them at Auschwitz.

This man could not possibly have remembered Corrie as one of his emaciated and shorn prisoners, but she would have recognized him anywhere. Yet on this occasion, he looked decidedly different; his face bore a radiant expression that suggested a dramatic transformation had taken place in his life. Nonetheless, Corrie had no desire to renew their acquaintance.

As it turned out, she had no choice. After her talk, the smiling man approached her and extended his hand. "A fine message, fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!"

Feeling only intense hatred for this person who had inflicted such pain, Corrie ten Boom heard the Lord tell her to put out her hand. She described what happened:

And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart!"

The stored-up hatred of years was melted away in a moment by the warm oil of God's mercy. Could you have endured such horrible abuse and been able to take the hand of your tormentor?

St. John Climacus: He's a Soul Man

Soul Provider by Edward L. Beck showed up at my front door this week. I looked at the the back cover and saw that the Dalai Lama praised it. This is not necessarily a good thing from my point of view, especially when weighing whether to add a book to my already high stack of religious reading. It's not a deal killer, mind you, but it does make me wary.

Then I opened the book and saw a black and white version of The Ladder of Ascent (shown above). Hmmm, intriguing.

Proceeding to the intro and first chapter, I got sucked in. Beck was at a monastery on retreat when he saw the above painting which was a long-time favorite of his. Looking into it further, he found his way to The Ladder of Divine Ascent by St. John Climacus from the 7th century. This book of the 30 steps toward God was so fruitful that Beck has reworked it for our modern imagination.

I haven't read any further yet although this book definitely has made the cut for my "to read" list. On the other hand, Steven Riddle is going full steam ahead, providing excerpts and reflections. Below is a taste and you can get started here.

Fr. Beck's book seems to be a very hard-headed, light-hearted, full-spirited survey of how to improve one's life with God. The advice given is solid, orthodox and complemented by insights from other religious traditions that both inform and help to bring out implicit aspects of each topic. Each chapter ends with a set of very hard, very pointed questions that allow the reader to reflect upon his or her own state with respect to the Ascent to God.

Straight Talk on the Beatitudes

Heaven in Our Hands: Receiving the Blessings We Long For
Benedict J. Groeschel, C.F.R.

My friend Susan lent me this book. As happens sometimes with those books that are given because "you'll really like it" this one languished in my book stack for some time. I would glance through it and always be pulled away by some newer book, something more "a la minute" than this seemingly simple take on the beatitudes. In fact, the very simplicity was not appealing. Hadn't I heard all this stuff before? Yes, but when will I ever learn not to take things at face value?

When I finally picked this up to "blast through" it so that I could return it, I discovered that the straightforward simplicity hid things I needed to hear. Things we all need to hear. Father Benedict Groeschel has a real talent for expounding on a subject with examples and angles that show us the subject from a new light. He also has a talent for tossing in little laughs here and there along the way that make this most readable as well. All in all, one winds up reexamining a subject that was thought to be well understood. No matter how simply written about, that is something to be valued.

In fact, this is one of the more successful books that Tom and I have read together every evening. We have just begun but it has provided food for thought and conversation between the two of us that "deeper" thinkers such as C.S. Lewis and Peter Kreeft have failed to do. In short, this hits both Tom and me where we live spiritually and practically. Believe me when I say that we are very different in our approaches to our faith life and for a book to do that means it has a wide appeal.

Highly recommended.

Oh, and Susan? I'm going to be hanging onto this for a little longer.

[On the subject of mercy]

What if you suspect that someone might be abusing your charity? Decide once and for all not to let it bother you in the least, and then live by that conclusion. Better to take the chance of being cheated than to neglect mercy. Merciless people never have to worry about being cheated; they just don't help anybody. Foolish people, on the other hand, help everybody! Those who decide to be merciful in an intelligent way should probably expect about a 12 to 15 percent loss on their investment. This is the amount I figure will inevitably go to charlatans or crooks or people who could be helping themselves a bit more than they are. ...

I suspect that a great many people would like to be merciful but are unsure of how to begin and afraid of being cheated. My advice is: take stock of your limited resources -- time, money, mercy -- and decide what to do with them. Then just try it! And if you're afraid of being cheated, cheer up. You've already been cheated by lots of other people besides the poor: the federal government, many prominent corporations, most financial institutions, and perhaps even some religious organizations!

... Having been cheated regularl.y and repeatedly by these very respectable people, you've managed to live with it. And you've probably lost much more to the government than you're ever going to lose to somebody who needs mercy. In short, the fear of being cheated is not a legitimate reason to avoid practicing mercy.

The Dream Team: Whedon and Minear

... Whedon explains: Dollhouse is a suspense drama about a girl who can have any personality except her own." So it's part Alias and part Quantum Leap, "because Echo is literally changing who she is," he continues. "She gets into people's lives a little bit."

the rest of the story

Now, that's what I'm talking about. Tim Minear and Joss Whedon together again ... with a seven show contract. Now if Fox will only not cancel after three episodes have been shown, a la Firefly. Via Ain't It Cool.

Prayer and Priorities

Having recently returned to a forced schedule of prayer, I can testify that it is not a matter of "feeling" or "making time." It must be a priority and when we make it so then we shall find it is one richly rewarded.

... We must never be taken in by the fiction that prayer in order to be "heartfelt" must be "spontaneous, inward, informal and/or unregularised." Certainly prayer can be spontaneous, informal, and unregularised but that should always be in addition to the ongoing, sustained, purposeful, prayer we are already engaged in. Prayer is purposeful communication with our Creator. There are going to be days when we don't "feel" like it and it is on those days (or in those times) that the value of schedule and habit will carry us through.

Postscript from the Spitfire Grill

She has more to say and is short but to the point. So go read it all.

This was reinforced not only by my own experience but again with this recent reading from In Conversation with God by Francis Fernandez.

We may think that our struggle in prayer is not bearing fruit, while God himself is immensely happy at our progress. The Lord will always give us his peace and his strength so that we may accomplish his work. We should never abandon our prayer. St. Teresa of Avila has advised that to lose one's way is -- so it seems to me -- nothing else bu tthe giving up of prayer. Perhaps this is one of the more serious temptations which can afflict souls committed to the Lord's service: to abandon this daily conversation with God for apparent lack of fruit, for the sake of "more important" thinkg, even for apostolic activities ...

Nothing is more important than our daily appointment with Jesus. He is waiting for us. At all costs, the decision to persevere in devoting a set time to private prayr daily must be made and carried out inflexibly. It does not matter if on can do no more than remain on one's knees for the period and only battle with complete lack of success against distractions; one is not wasting time. (E. Boylan).

Yes, God's trying to get something through my thick head and he knows me so well that he is saying it over and over and over to make sure I remember and stick with that forced schedule. Because I'm a quick to fall away once I think something's fixed.

Tired of Reading About Christians Pushing Bella?

Here's a gathering of what the plain old regular movie reviewers say, courtesy of Carl Olson. Let's all remember this movie won The People's Choice Award in Toronto before anyone ever heard of it.

Which is to say that it has a theme which makes bishops and Christians push the movie (not that there's anything wrong with that), but in the end it is a good movie ... at least that's what I hear. I haven't seen it yet and won't have time to for a while so it will probably be the DVD for our house.

Are We Ready for the Week Ahead?

Next Saturday is the wedding of one of Tom's nieces. This, of course, will mean a big family gathering and much merriment and celebration. In this case, where the family has plenty of resources, it means the sort of celebration that puts me in mind of a week-long festival thrown by a medieval lord upon the wedding of his heir. Golf parties, Bride's luncheon, etcetera. Which is a wonderful thing to be able to do, I think, if one has the time and resources.

Let's add to that the fact that I, personally, have hit my busiest time of year at work, doing layout for the Worthington catalogs. I enjoy this work and working with the clients. (We've been working with them since Kevin began the company and if you need school or church furniture, I can honestly recommend them to you. You will not find more honorable or sincere people anywhere.) However, that doesn't change the fact that most of this work is done within about a 1-1/2 month period, and mostly by me as everyone else has their own projects. I bring work home on the weekends and during the height of the frenzy will be working every night at home on it. I began this last week and the weekend work began on Saturday.

Now, how about that phone call from a brother-in-law asking, "Did Mom tell you that she's staying with y'all for the wedding?"

No, no she didn't.

Not that it is a problem. I absolutely adore my mother-in-law. This is made very easy for me as the feeling is mutual.

However, the state of the guest bedroom ... hmmm, well, it needed to be cleaned up anyway as it had become that well-known repository for anything extra that people didn't want to bother with at the time. Stacks of books, school papers, old binders, and much, much more were cleared away this weekend.

And let's not even go into the state of my kitchen floor or the girls' shower ... those will be dealt with during the early part of this week.

So, I had all that on my mind and when the mass announcements included the reminder that All Saint's Day (THURSDAY) is a Holy Day of Obligation, I suddenly realized ...

• Wednesday: Halloween (note to self: pick up pumpkin before then, carve if time ... if not then wimp out with black Sharpie ... thank goodness I remembered candy already)
• Thursday: Holy Day of Obligation, pick up my MIL from airport, family dinner at the bride's family's house
• Friday: get my MIL to and from Bride's Luncheon, First Friday fast and fasting from meat and the rehearsal dinner (at a Mexican restaurant ... I also adore the groom's parents, did I mention that?)
• Saturday: wedding

Plus being around while my MIL is visiting ... that is not a chore but must be figured into the general mindset. Plus work. Plus Scripture study. Plus the podcast intro and proofing. Plus a couple of other things I promised to people before the insanity hit. Etcetera.

Thank goodness that I can go to the vigil mass on Wednesday for All Saint's Day.

So for the Catholics reading ... the one message to take away from this if nothing else is Thursday is a Holy Day of Obligation.

The second message to take away, for those participating in the First Friday fast ... that's this week, y'all.

Did I mention that I'm thankful for all this?

I definitely am and that is what I must remind myself of when the stress of the schedule starts getting to me.

• I'm thankful for the work
• I'm thankful for the loving family and community which we are part of and will definitely see in action this week
• I'm thankful for the sacrament of marriage and getting to see this couple wed, who seem to me to be meant for each other.
• I'm thankful for the groom's family's witness of their faith ... a blending of Irish (yes, from the Old World with a lovely accent) and Hispanic (again with a lovely accent) Catholics, with 8 children and a strong and abiding devotion to their faith.

Now if I can just remember that thankfulness and not get overwhelmed ... take it step by step. Lord, multiply my time and my focus! Amen.

Masque of the Red Death and The Judge's House

A classic each from Edgar Allen Poe and Bram Stoker await your listening pleasure in Forgotten Classic's Halloween Special 1. Listen, if you dare!

An Amazing Instance of a Miracle Recorded

Shamelessly lifted from Wittshire. First, read this story ...

Duane Miller was a lifelong preacher with a big problem: his voice was gone. After a bad bout of flu, he couldn't speak above a strained whisper. Over the course of the next five months his doctor and several specialists agreed: the flu had permanently damaged his vocal cords. Just in case they were wrong, they recommended a six-month hiatus from speaking.

So Duane stayed home and stayed quiet. After six more months he had not improved--indeed, the specialists now told him that even his painful whisper was doomed. He was producing sound using the fatty tissue known as "false cords," and they would soon wear away.

Doctors photographed and studied every step in the progression of Duane's muteness. In Switzerland, specialists from all over the world examined photographs of his badly scarred throat.

Meanwhile, Duane found a job doing paperwork and wondered why God had taken away the tool he needed to do the job he'd always thought he'd been called to do.

This went on for several years. Occasionally Duane's friends at the large church he attended in Houston persuaded him to "scream" his whisper into a microphone and teach class. He had mixed feelings about this--it was painful to do, and painful to hear--but every now and then he did teach a short class.

Three years after he'd lost his voice, Duane agreed to be the last-minute substitute teacher for an adult Sunday school class. He was supposed to teach Psalm 103.

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--

Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Great. How was he going to have any credibility teaching that God "forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases," and "redeems my life from the pit"? He was in the pit. God had not healed him. In fact, the doctors said he was nearing the time when he'd be completely mute. Moreover, Duane had just lost his job, and a manuscript he'd hoped to get published had been rejected--not because of the text itself, but because he would be unable to promote the book on radio shows and so forth.

But Duane taught. He said that God could do whatever God wanted to do. He said that God wasn't a genie who always performed at our command, but neither was he indifferent to our struggles. He was God.

Teaching hurt. Duane's throat ached from "screaming," and he wasn't sure anyone could really hear him anyway. He was about to cut the lesson short when he got to the "God heals all my diseases" part.

"I have had, and you have had in times past, pit experiences--"

And on the word "pit," his throat opened. People looked up. He sounded different.

Duane kept talking. "We've all had times when our lives seem to be in the pit... in the grave--"His voice was stronger! His wife got up from her seat and ran up to the podium. Duane began to cry.

That was in 1993. When doctors examined his throat, they found it smooth and healthy, completely free of scar tissue.

Today Duane Miller's voice is still fine. And his healing, which took place in a room full of several hundred people, was recorded. You can listen to it here (click on "the moment" at the bottom left).

So praise Him in the light, but praise Him in the dark as well. He has not forgotten you. He knows what he's doing.

... then go to Duane's website and click on "The Moment" at the bottom left-hand side of the page. It is simply amazing. And, of course, I cried.

The facts were these ...

Is anyone else out there enjoying Pushing Daisies as much as we are? The style is "a la Tim Burton" ... that is if Tim Burton sweetened up some. It is truly delightful and our favorite new show of the season.

Pushing Daisies is a "forensic fairy tale" that focuses on Ned, a piemaker with the mysterious ability to make the dead live again. The gift is not without its complications -- if he touches someone that he's revived a second time, they die permanently; and if a person is revived for more than 60 seconds, somebody else nearby dies. According to Ned, "it's a random proximity thing," although it affects beings that are similar in nature to the revived -- leaving an insect alive will kill another insect, while leaving a person alive will kill another person.

Wikipedia

The musical number from Grease in episode 3 was a hilarious surprise ... the dandelion costumes for the "spores" car in episode 2 were fantastic ... and how Chuck and

The kicker, of course, was in the second episode when it was revealed that Emerson Cod (Chi McBride) knits when he is upset. He had knit himself a sweater vest (which we also see him wearing in episode 3) and two gun cosies thanks to the worries of that episode. AND a knitting needle concealed on his person saved the day ... just too much fun.

Open Yourself to Grace

How easy it is to believe that Christianity is a life of giving—of striving to be good enough and selfless enough to merit God’s favor. But just the opposite is true! The grace that God wants to shower on us each day comes as we learn to receive. Only then, with the help of grace, can we give in return by being good or laying down our lives for those around us.

Will you be facing some difficult situation today? A trying incident at work, maybe, or a harried time at home? If you do, try to pause in the midst of it to invite the Lord into that situation. Surrender to him and ask for a fresh outpouring of grace. Then watch as he makes you into an overcomer—loving the unlovable, denying selfish desires, saying “no” to the world’s allurements, and receiving the guidance and strength you need.

Ain't that the truth? I start forgetting just whose strength I should be depending on. Should we strive to our utmost? Yes. But we need to remember what the basis is for us being able to reflect God's goodness in those tough times. From Saturday's meditation at Word Among Us..

An Interesting Faith Story

The View from the Foothills has long been a favorite a favorite blog of mine. I really love his book reviews.

Turns out, he's more than just a book reviewer ... he is telling his faith story. He hasn't gotten to the end yet but I am finding it a very interesting read as I think it reflects many of the influences and stresses on our faith in modern times. As I would have expected, he isn't passive but actively considering and contemplating faith throughout all this.

Even more interesting to Catholics, he's calling it: Watching the Tiber Go By

• Part 1
• Part 2
• Part 3

It's Not Often You Open the Church Bulletin and See A Gorgeous Guy

I've been interested in this movie since it won the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival. I'm really looking forward to seeing it ... and not simply because of that gorgeous face on the poster.

Here's the synopsis from imdb.

An international soccer star (Eduardo Verástegui) is on his way to sign a multi-million dollar contract when something happens that brings his career to an abrupt end. A waitress (Tammy Blanchard), struggling to make it in New York City, discovers something about herself that she's unprepared for. In one irreversible moment, their lives are turned upside down...until an impetuous action brings them together and turns an ordinary day into an unforgettable experience. Once a famous athlete, and now a cook at his brother's Mexican restaurant, José has retreated from the world but he recognizes something in Nina, a young waitress, and reaches out to her. In the course of a single day, he not only confronts his past but shows her how the healing power of a family can help her embrace the future.

This movie has been promoted heavily among Christians because of the pro-life message. To me, it's strongest hope for reaching the regular, secular audience would be that it also is a very good movie, which is what gets people in the door in the first place (not to mention gorgeous faces on posters ... ahem).

The poster in our bulletin was accompanied by a good letter from our bishop and info about three theaters reserved locally. It is all here for those who are interested.

Special Prayer Request

4-year-old Lori Subialdea suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome. She is being hospitalized again and is on a morphine drip. My heart goes out to this little one and her family. Nothing is harder than watching your child suffer. Please pray for this family and for Lori's doctors.

All the Things I Didn't Know About Mother Teresa

Updated: scroll to the bottom for final remarks upon finishing the book.

Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light
by Mother Teresa, Brian Kolodiejchuk

I am about two-thirds of the way through this book and have been surprised by how it has not matched my preconceptions. I put off beginning it because I expected it to be dreary and full of misery because of Mother Teresa's now well known "dark night of the soul." However, although the first half of the book alludes to that, most of it is about her early life as a nun, her struggles to set up the Missionaries of Charity, and her early days in Calcutta. Most stories I have read about her tend to gloss over those days in order to get to the flowering of her mission in Calcutta so this was a revelation. Also a revelation was the "inner Teresa" that is shown to us in her early letters.

I had no idea that from very early in her days as a nun Mother Teresa was known for her humility, joy, and for extraordinary sacrifice, even when it included going alone into the streets after religious rioting killed over 5,000 in order to find food for the school's students who had nothing to eat. What becomes obvious is her great love and devotion to Jesus and that she is being formed to be a great example to everyone.

I had no idea that her messages from Jesus to go serve the poor of India took the form of her actually being able to hear his voice. She had many recurring and various visions of Jesus, Mary, and the massed poor of India pleading with her to bring them to our Lord. It was the view of her confessor that she was in a state of "near ecstasy" during those times, which brings inevitably to mind St. Teresa of Avila.

It never occurred to me that Teresa would have been taken aback by this call to serve the poor. Perhaps because her mission has always been presented to me as a thing accomplished, I never knew or considered how much she loved her current life and thought she already was where God wanted her to be. This put me forcibly in mind of a conversation I recently had with a friend who passionately proclaimed that she felt herself being led to a place that was not what she had in mind for how her life "should go." The next day I read this passage and thought how real it made Mother Teresa to me, how she thought she knew God's call, and how shocked she was to find out what he really wanted ... which wasn't in her conception of God's will at all. Just as my friend was expressing. Just as many of us have doubtless experienced.

A moving exchange of great beauty went on between Christ and Mother Teresa. With utmost tenderness, He addressed her as "My own spouse" or "My own little one," "My Jesus" or "My own Jesus," replied Mother Teresa, longing to return love for love. In this sacred dialogue, Jesus was revealing His Heart to her: His pain, His love, His compassion, His thirst for those who suffer most. He also revealed His plan to send her to them as a carrier of His love. This revelation had a deep echo in her soul. Many years earlier, writing back home, she had expressed her desire "to bring joy to the lives" of those to whom she had been sent. She had prayed for "the strength to always be the light of their lives and so lead them to You!" However, he call to leave Loreto and be a sign of Christ's presence, a carrier of His love and compassion to the poorest of the poor in the slums, was not the kind of answer she expected in response to her prayer. Yet the "Voice" kept pleading, "Come, come, carry Me into the holes of the poor. Come, be My light." Jesus' invitation was imbued with trust; He counted on her response.

I never realized how Mother Teresa pestered and pestered ... and pestered her Archbishop to try to move things along quickly in being allowed to leave her current vocation and begin her new mission in India. I felt a real sympathy for Archbishop Perier who kept responding with measured requests for her not to be so "hasty" and to allow him time to evaluate, pray, and consider her calling. Of course, with Jesus himself speaking in your ear it is easy to see that one might keep up the pressure so we can easily see Teresa's side of things too. Her persistence, however, was one of the things that impressed him with Teresa's zeal and sincerity so that served its purpose also.

I never thought of Mother Teresa as a young novice, off on her mission to serve God. There is a delight for me in that 18-year-old girl whose openness and joy in beginning her vocation overflow from her letters home. She is so very like Hannah, Rose, and their friends whose enthusiasm and energy abound as they set off on their own missions and vocations to college and beyond. In hindsight, there is even more joy because her request to her family, "Pray much for us that we may be good and courageous missionaries" was answered so far beyond anything that she could have dreamed at the time.

I never realized that Mother Teresa was simply a person. Her letters are usually very simple and served to make me understand that "under her skin" was a person just like you or me. The big difference was that she was in love with Jesus had made a vow to give him "all." For an Albanian that vow, quite simply, was invested with cultural cement that would not break, as well as with all her considerable stubbornness and will. In reading this book, Mother Teresa has gone from an iconic figure to someone whose struggles I can relate to, albeit on a very simple level through my own understanding. She has become someone who I can attempt to emulate in her determination to give Jesus her "all."

I now can see that part of her "dark night of the soul," torture though it was to Teresa, also helped to insulate her against the adulation of the secular world as it became more aware of her mission. I am just beginning this part of the book so will undoubtedly learn more about Mother Teresa, this person who is now real to me, and who has many lessons to teach me about loving and following Jesus.

It also occurs to me that those critics, like the famous Christopher Hitchens, cannot have really read this book (or perhaps did not read it honestly without their own preconceptions) before accusing Mother Teresa of discovering that there is no God and not wanting to admit it to the world. Clearly through her letters, side by side with darkness and abandonment, goes a true love and longing for Christ to return to her. She did not doubt his existence in the depths of her soul, though surely she felt that way sometimes. However, she was too wise to succumb to acting on her feelings.

This also answers some of the comments I've heard from people who remark that they have never felt close to God and that must be a similar experience, albeit admittedly lesser than Teresa's. It makes me think of how facilely many of us leap to self comparisons with St. Jerome when we have a sharp retort simply because of his famous temper, without stopping to think of his many sacrifices, his accomplishments and his love for Jesus ... which I note none of us claim to match. Similarly, none of us have had the actual presence of Jesus as our company for months on end as Teresa did. Surely we would feel that darkness to be bottomless once we were bereft of it, just as she did. Just as surely we would look for answers from any spiritual advisers we had. Hopefully we would be able to do it with her "yes and a big smile," though in my own case ... I am doubtful I could achieve it.

By the way, this is a fairly quick read. I began it Monday night. Obviously it is highly recommended.

UPDATE:
I finished the book last night and was very surprised to find myself in tears through the last two chapters. Reading of Mother Teresa's ability to embrace and even find joy in her "darkness" as God's will and as a reparatory suffering offered for the souls of the poor ... well, it was a beautiful thing is all I can say. To read of her continual widening of her ministry to the poor in her final years was equally beautiful and also reminded me of the personal nature of salvation and the necessity of our ministry to those within our own circles, beginning with our own family and friends.

Do not think that reading the TIME magazine article is adequate for your understanding. Do yourself a favor and read the book itself. Accept no substitutes!

But Shadow Puppets Can't Stand Up to the Real Thing

What a smile ...

That's Amazing

About Those Seeds: Part 2

Much belated, but continuing the examination begun last week of the well known parable from Luke 8:4-15 of the sower and the seeds that fall on various sorts of ground. I especially appreciate this point about prayer because so often it is presented as something that is easy, whereas I struggle with myself every single day just to take the time for individual prayer.

And some fell on the rock; and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. At "the moment of truth" they succumb because their allegince to Christ has been rooted solely in feeling and not in prayer. They have therefore been unabel to endure difficult moments unscathed, or take in their stride the trials of life and periods of spiritual dryness. Many people are pleased by what they hear, and sincerely resolve to pursue the good. Yet when adversity and suffering come, they soon abandon their good works (St. Gregory the Great). How many good resolutions have come to nought when the spiritual life has become a struggle! These souls were seeking themselves rather than God. As St. Augustine pointed out, Some act for one reason. Others act for another. The fact is that few look to Jesus for the sake of Jesus. To look for Jesus is to follow his footsteps wherever they may lead, no matter if the trail is smooth and easy or uphill and arduous. The key thing is to have the firm desire to reach Christ, to look for Jesus for the sake of Jesus. We can accomplish this only if we are faithful to our daily prayer, whether it comes to us easily or is more of a sacrifice.

In Conversation with God (vol. 5, ordinary time weeks 24-34) by Francis Fernandez