Monday, November 22, 2010

When Blog Meets Go Wrong: "You'll probably need this. Aim carefully. That's all the ammo you have."

Theocoid recounts our get together last week and shows that he has a talent for more than code and theological blogging. I can't resist putting it all here ... he really should be writing novels.
We missed our initial meeting as my flight out of Boise left almost two hours late. However, we rescheduled for the evening just before I left. Julie sent me directions to an out-of-the-way eatery deep in the heart of Dallas, with the instruction that I to make sure no one followed. "Oh yes," she added, "have a newspaper under your left arm, and wear an Aggies ballcap so we can recognize you."

After a long week of work, I was feeling a little punchy anyway, so cruising the back streets of Dallas did little to improve my spirits. I found the diner, an odd little Tex-Mex joint with a broken neon sign that blinked "Jo s ats." I entered and was seated at a booth in a corner. I ordered a beer and waited a good 20 minutes before I noticed that written on the coaster in ink were the words, "Flip over." On the backside, was a note: "Go out the back, and we'll pick you up in the alley."

I finished my beer and made my way to the rear exit. As I did, a set of headlights flicked on, a Buick sedan glided up, and a door opened. "Get in."

I looked up and down the alley, then ducked in just, my foot just barely leaving the pavement before the vehicle pulled off.

"Did anyone see you leave?"

"No," I said, "Hey, what's this all about?"

"Too much to explain right now. Are you packing any heat?"

"No, unless you're talking about the Icy Hot I use for my strained back."

"You're a smart guy. Smart guys don't live long in this neck of the woods."

Tom drove. I noticed that the panel under the steering column had been ripped out, and some wires were spliced together haphazardly. Julie handed back something heavy and cold.

"You'll probably need this. Aim carefully. That's all the ammo you have."

"So what's up? I thought we were just getting together for a nice meal and some chat."

"Yeah, well, that was until we got this new job, you see? It was supposed to be simple... a little marketing piece with some product listings, four colors, a slam dunk in InDesign. And then, the scope creep. A tweak to the margins here, an extra column to a table there, and now we're looking at a 2500-page monstrosity with nested tables, custom layouts on every page, and a ransom-letter type style. I snapped. There's no going back."
I laughed, I cried, I wished my life was really this exciting.


  1. You're too kind. I did have a great time writing it. I think I've been reading too many episodes of "Chris Johnson, Anglican Investigator."

    I have about three chapters of a novel I started writing when I was in grad. school the first time. I've been thinking of picking it up again.

  2. Oh no, I am serious. I have rarely laughed so hard or enjoyed a story so much. I, too, love the Anglican Investigator stories so perhaps that has something to do with it.

    Pick up that novel. Or start another. I will buy it. :-)

  3. Laugh? How could one possibly laugh at such an intrinsically sad, nay verily tragic tale? It had all the woe of Marlow, all the hubris of Hamett... truly a tale of sound and fury ;)

    Word verification: cialli -- heck, even the word verification is as tawdry as a late-night television commercial, tsk...