Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The Golden Coin of Marriage

He [St. Josemaria Escriva] spoke often of the joys of married life. Nevertheless, he insisted that "marriage isn't just satisfaction for the heart and senses. It's also suffering; it has two sides, like a coin."
On the one hand, there is the joy of knowing that one is loved, the desire and enthusiasm involved in starting a family and taking care of it, the love of husband and wife, the happiness of seeing the children grow up. On the other hand, there are also sorrows and difficulties -- the passing of time that consumes the obdy and threatens the character with the temptation to bitterness, the seemingly monotonous succession of days that are apparently always the same.

We would have a poor idea of marriage and of human affection if we were to think that love and joy come to an end when faced with such difficulties. It is precisely then that our true sentiments come to the surface. Then the tenderness of a person's gift of himself takes root and shows itself in a true and profound affection that is stronger than death.
As he knew from his own childhood, suffering is sometimes unavoidable. The failure of a business, the death of loved ones -- such events are impossible to predict and prepare for. No less wearisome is the daily grind of an underemployed man, working far below his station in life, for far less money than he needs. Still, these are the circumstances of countless ordinary families. To paraphrase the bumper sticker: suffering happens. What we do with that suffering, however, is what makes us either saints or very wretched people. It's our choice, but it's not a solitary matter. When we live in families -- or in any kind of household -- our choice affects all the people around us. We either parlay our suffering into happiness for others or multiply the misery in our own homes. On trying days, the greatest sacrifice might be to smile when we don't feel like smiling. "I've often said," noted St. Josemaria, "that the hardest mortification can be to smile. Well, then, smile!"
Wow. Truer words were never spoken.

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