Saturday, October 28, 2006

Halloween Countdown

Time to buy the candy you'll be giving out next week. You will be giving out candy right? You're not one of those kill joys who hands out toothbrushes or boxes of raisins are you?

And if you are then I just know that you either had a joyless childhood or have totally forgotten the fun of trick or treating. Here are a few of my favorite things to skip ... you can see the complete list at the source listed. They also tell you what you should give.
... or any other fruit for that matter. Not only is it disappointing as hell for a little kid expecting a Snickers, but there's a good chance it'll get smashed under the heft of the rest of the candy, leaving brown mush all over the candy they got from people who aren't total kill-joys.

Those crappy lollipops they have at the bank
They're free at the bank for a reason. Well, several reasons actually. The first being that they're almost free. You can get a two-ton bag of them at your local warehouse store for less than the price of one real Twix bar. The second reason is because they taste like crap.

Anything you made yourself
In your eyes, you're going out of your way to give kids a special and unique treat that goes above and beyond the normal fare. In their eyes you're giving them a crappy cookie that their parents will throw away as soon as they get home for fear of it containing razor blades. So, we guess this one is all right if you only give them to kids with neglectful parents. Or orphans.

Possibly the crappiest item on the list, those little boxes of raisins never get eaten. People generally give them out under the pretense that they want to make kids healthier. In reality, they give them out because they hate fun. It's Halloween, let kids eat a friggin' Milky Way.

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