Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Second Rate Movie is No Treasure

HC rating: Worse Than Godfather III **

I had so many people recommend this movie that against the movie critics' better judgment we rented it this weekend. I like Nicholas Cage and had a sneaking desire to see it so I can't blame it all on everyone else. Ho hum. Second rate plot. Lackluster acting except from John Voight who, with the lack of actual material to work with, seemed to be channeling the father from "Everybody Loves Raymond" and Sean Bean who turned in his usual excellent performance, though with an equal lack of decent material he was reduced to a lot of teeth gnashing. Distinctly boring puzzle pieces and mystery to solve. Nicholas Cage seemed to think that being scholarly involved a lot of sleepwalking in this part. The movie makers evidently were under the impression that if they mashed bits of a lot of classic movies together they could come up with a winner. Wrong.

You can do much, much better by renting one of the movies they were trying to copy.
  • A great adventure movie: Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark
  • A great movie with a quirky father-son chemistry: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
  • Fabulous mystery to solve with two adversaries working against each other: The Fugitive
  • Humor, romance, puzzle solving mystery: Romancing the Stone
HC Rating System
(from The Simpsons, what else?)

**** Listen, we've been meaning to have a talk with you about your reviews. Everything's a rave! Nine thumbs up, what the hell is that? (newspaper editor to Homer)
*** "Liked it despite the absence of flubber..." - Mel Gibson reading Prof. Frink's review
** Christian: You desecrated a classic film. This is worse than "Godfather III."
Mel Gibson: Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa! Let's not say things we can't take back.

* "Your movie was more boring than church. All you did was yak, yak, yak. You didn't even shoot anybody." -Homer Simpson's comment on movie screening

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